No.368
A little context, 4 years ago, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and dissociative identity disorder, and because it's been difficult to get my medicine recently due to homelessness and hunger, I haven't been doing a lot of drawing lately, but I hope that sharing these maybe generates some positive feedback that will encourage me to stay diligent as an artist. After all, it's what's kept me alive all this time, and has been an excellent tool in expressing my different identities' feelings, thoughts, appearances, and dreams.
No.372
hey op some of these drawings are really cool
especially the black image in
>>369 and the white outline image in
>>370 you should post more :)
also, long time uboachanner and you didn't know we had /cc/? lol
No.373
Hello op. I like your idea with the crayons. The color palette in
>>371 is pleasing especially when multiple with it are displayed next to each other like that.
Some of my favourites are:
sabitsuki2 in
>>366ignored in
>>367shizako in
>>369 I especially like the scissor doorway
I wouldn't mind if you posted more of your work in the future.
I read your posts on /hikki/ and I pray you can manage.
No.374
>>372Thank you for the support! I was mostly a namefag on /hikki/, /yume/, and the fangame boards back in like 2013. So maybe I didn't notice. ^^;
>>373Thank you! I'm so so happy you understand the aesthetic choice of wax crayons as a medium! People don't often look at my art twice to figure it out, they just see unremarkable fridge drawings made by an 8-year-old (albeit an 8-year-old that might be a little disturbed lmao). At any rate, if you liked Shizako then you might like the first three here. The Teeth and Death Of A Soldier are both acrylic paintings, like Shizako's, and the Figure In The Fog is a collage made from parts of photographs from one of Time Magazine's "Most Haunted Locations" editions. 0u0
No.375
Just discovered this site, glad its still alive and well. I'm loving all the art on this board.
No.378
>>377Kitty looks like a good boy
No.379
>>378You're right to like him. He is a benevolent force in Yoona's life. He is her hallucination of an old imaginary friend, twisted by psychosis, but despite his appearance, he wants nothing more than to protect and advise Yoona at her most vulnerable moments. 0u0
Anyway, here's a new drawing I did today of Alek, a contractor who works for the Daemon of Music, Sonya, affording him an arsenal of spells in the form of otherworldly melodies that have the power to maim, kill, create, and heal in exchange for vanishing some of Alek's blood. The more blood given, the stronger Sonya's spells will be. 0u0
No.380
I like your drawings. There's something soothing about them, at least for me. Thank you for posting them.
No.381
I love these drawings so much, they all have their own feels to them. Please make more
No.382
>>380>>381Thank you both so much. This is the most shining praise anyone has ever given my drawings. No one has ever told me something like "make more".. No one ever encouraged me that much. Seeing these comments made me blush…
No.386
>>369>>371Hey, just wanted to say, I really like your drawings here. I am going to save because I find them really beautiful in a sense.
No.387
>>386Thank you so much! Feel free to use them for pfps or something, just credit me in a bio if you do. 0u0
(My @ on Twitter is wanderersn3xus, and my name is Leslie)
I finished this one today and I'm very happy with how it turned out.
No.390
>>389Tell Nate his work is cool as fuck
No.391
>>390He is very happy you think so ^w^
Here's a doodle I did of an NPC named Hiko-chan from my abandoned Yume Nikki fangame project, Dandelion Complex. uwu
No.397
>>396You mean as in it's relatable, or just that you like doing it for no particular reason?
I think as a coping mechanism it's not very good, because it positively reinforces self-destructive behavior, not just that of self-injury. It makes you associate doing something to harm yourself with the emotional relief that comes afterward, so it can easily get out of control if you're doing it to escape from trauma or suffering.
Either way, I hope you're okay.
No.398
I really love all your drawings creepy cute anon! They're certainly cc uwu
No.399
>>398Thank you, I'm really excited that they fit in here! >w<
This is Nazono 0u0
He has childhood onset schizophrenia and here he has accidentally killed his family in a fit of paranoia and rage. (The cries for help are getting really heavy-handed now, aren't they?? Idk, at least my family won't see because they don't care about me now, haha ^^;;)
No.400
>>399I guess the 2nd edge to the sword of having found your audience is that they're all mental too (it makes sense that art speaks to people similar to the artist), so they don't have the energy to spend worrying about you. In my opinion that's good though, being able to sap an aesthetic sympathy from people has only made me weaker while being unable to has let me reshape myself into someone who wants to be strong. The planes when you dig up to the surface look barren at first, until you realise up here there's unlimited potential. That's my experience of life anyway. T. madman who likes your art, especially the less human ones like agony district.
PS. How did you make money off the art if not commissions?
PPS. Any tips for working in crayon?
No.401
>>400Reaching mentally ill people was one of the primary goals of doing my art, actually. As for how I made money before commissions (which have actually started rolling in finally these last two weeks 0u0), I was selling prints for cheap because I was dating a man who worked at a print shop and could produce them at no cost to me. I no longer have that resource, so I'm just doing commissions now for a base rate of 12 dollars, 15 if the design is complex or has a detailed background.
As far as tips go, the primary thing most people struggle with is the dullness of wax pastels and crayons. A good way to avoid this is to buy a lot of crayons, and sharpen them frequently whenever you need a crisp, dark line. The sharper the point of the wax, the darker and thinner the mark will be. Going over lines more than once can help with this as well, but may thicken them if your crayon is dull. To sharpen crayons, I use a pencil-sharpener that has a wide-angle opening like the larger aperture in this pic, which will fit a standard size crayon or wax pastel.
The second thing people struggle with is what to buy. I use professional wax pastels for important colors that need to be high quality, like black and white, or any that don't appear in a standard crayola lineup, like blood red or deep indigo, while using Crayola colors for any other pigments I might need, just to save money. Neocolor's white is very good at smearing crayon wax to create the effect like in this commission I just finished (the bridge over the canal). Finally, if you desperately need to cover a large area with a dark color like black, the giant art crayon is your friend. The wax is much softer and thus goes on much darker, much quicker. Be careful about smudges though, because the higher quality pastels are meant to be blendable, unlike the Crayola ones. (They are VERY greasy 0u0;;;)
Correcting mistakes is also a common complaint with the medium, as it isn't easy. Provided you use thick toothy paper like you should, if you make a mark you don't want, the best thing you can do is scrape a little of the paper fibers away with a very sharp knife to reveal the clean ones underneath, and then make your mark again properly. This isn't useful for scraping away large mistakes, and will never yield a completely blank surface, as it grinds some of the pigment in. So make sure you've sketched everything in pencil before you start using the crayons!
Finally, this tip isn't so much about drawing itself as it is presentation, but whenever I scan my work, I make sure to color-correct it and darken all the blacks and midtones, maybe raise contrast and deplete saturation too, if the mood calls for it. (Crayola colors are almost all very saturated and not too versatile, so often this final step is needed for a presentable final product as a work of art.) I hope this helps you, and again, I am deeply grateful that my art has inspired you and is welcome here.
No.403
>>399the facial structure and style of the eyes are super cool on this, feels like a cg straight out of ib. i love the cartoony horror type of art that comes out of indie rpg maker games and this feels so much like it
No.404
>>403I'm so happy you like it and noticed the similarities! 0u00u0 0u0 0u0
RPGmaker games, especially Yume Nikki and its fan-made offshoots, were my biggest inspiration as a beginner artist. Now that I'm somewhere in the intermediate realm (in what I do particularly at least), I'm still happily churning out monsters and creepy cute menhera characters to project my emotional turmoil onto! 0u0
No.406
>>405Looks like the "girl" from the "yes, and?" meme
No.407
>>406You're right, he does!! That comic is really cute for some reason 0u0
This is a redesign of a very old OC I only drew once or twice. His name is Nyx and he's a forest spirit from Petrichor who died and was transformed into the Moth Demon by Satan's hellhounds, Notus and Borea. There in hell, he meets his boyfriend, the Moon Demon, Oberon. He is attracted to Oberon for his moonlight, which moths use to navigate with at night uwu
No.412
>>411I honestly like these, they have charm. The eyes pic has a nice atmosphere going on. Makes me want to combine marker and crayon sometime.
No.413
>>412Thank you so much! I drew another today 0u0
This is a new death angel, who happens to be the one who rescued his older step-sister Arycenne from a CHIMERA-subsidized farm which bought, bred, and sold little girls to be raped, and when they got too old or scarred to appeal to CHIMERA's sadist clienteles, dismembered and force fed to the younger girls. Arycenne is the girl seen in the reflection on his knife, covered in her own blood, her not-yet-step-brother's, and that of her captors'.
No.418
Hello everyone. My schizophrenia and dissociation are getting out of control and I don't feel safe being around other people, and they honestly, at the moment, are seriously endangering themselves by being around me. I'm very much struggling to control my violent ideation and agitation, so I'm being checked into the mental hospital in the morning.
No.419
>>418Damn, hope it does you some good dude. Will you have internet access in there?
No.420
>>419No. American mental hospitals are mostly penitentiary systems designed to punish you with boredom and loneliness for breaking down so hard that you can't presently be a positive influence on the economy at the time. They simply medicate you well enough to feel an illusory, fleeting sense of being prepared to face life again, which sets you up to return to the hospital again and again when nothing really changes, like the fact that you cannot afford to pick up anything you're prescribed.
This is simply a scheme for making money, is meant to be extremely unpleasant, and thus many basic amenities (including internet, phones, certain foods, certain clothing styles, visitation, being spoken to by an actual therapist and not some idiot medschool dropout who tells you to mindfully eat a raisin and meditate to youtube videos to fix all your problems, the right to refuse a specific medication, the right to take HRT while you are in the hospital, etc) are either completely unavailable or very restricted. These hospitals are often guilty of medically neglecting or sexually abusing their patients, as well. We once arrived covered in deep, self-inflicted gashes from our face to our knees, all of which were badly infected, very painful, and smelled terrible. They told me we had a fever and was infected. I said, "I know, it hurts, I need antibiotics." They walked out without saying anything else, and we were not administered any treatment for the wounds or allowed to take a shower or clean them, and there was no soap available at the sinks. It was obviously not a great ward, cause it was very filthy, safety mirrors were all punched full of dents, and there were scratches on the reinforced windows in our room that looked like someone had tried to break them.
We will let people know when we're discharged, and will likely have done some art in the hospital we can post here by the time we get home.
No.421
>>420How those gashes doing?
No.423
>>421Do I know you?
Here's another of Tenshitsuki, the protagonist of our dead Yume Nikki fangame about the dandelion hivemind and its angels of death. 0u0
No.428
>>426That was part of why this recent stay was so hard on us. For as long as we can remember, most of us have had a fear of solitary confinement and being alone in general due to being raised in my dad's basement as a punching bag and shameful secret.
The hospital we went to last month cranked the feelings of helplessness up to 11, starving us, harassing us/our visitors with racist comments, bullying us, denying us our written rights we signed for as a patient, "gossiping" loudly about us being a faggot/tranny, "talking to ourselves," and repeatedly giving me allergens that could kill me with every single meal despite having my medical record and repeated reminders, etc. Whatever they could do to rile us up so they could make their shift go by faster by putting us to sleep for 24 hours with a horse-tier dose of sedatives, they were doing it.
I plan on ruining their lives with a class-action lawsuit later, but for now I'm content to go on drawing. 0u0
Please stay safe, anon! ;_;
No.429
>>428I'm not that anon but that's all so terrible. I'm sorry you've been dealt all of this. Do your best always and try not to give up hope. The future can always be different. I was
>>412 btw. At the risk of sounding corny you should try making a fangame or something if you have access to a pc and can pirate rpgmaker, I find it really cathartic to work on random little projects in bursts even if nothing's ever put together enough to come into light. It feels good to just make more intricate stuff, and it might help you put your mind to rest a little bit while you wait for a better tomorrow if your situation is keeping you from it.
No.430
>>429We have the work-ethic, the passion, and if nothing else, the raw free time to learn and develop at that pace, or whatever pace suits us… My issue is that our knowledge of the IT end of making games is very limited. We are 28 years old and didn't have a lot of contact with other human beings until the body turned 18, and one of us only has memories from around 1999-2004, so his knowledge of tech stuff is even worse than your average 28-year-old's. To make matters worse, our brain doesn't work well with hard science stuff. We aren't a game developer or a programmer, just a group of artists, writers, and musicians.
We decided to shift our focus away from game-development as a delivery method for stories because I suddenly asked all of us, "Why must it be a game - something I know nothing about how to create - and not something else, like a comic?"
That's when it hit me. People seem to like the Dandelion Complex universe from the engagement we get on its concept art, and I've been repeatedly told our artwork has "manga/comic" feel to it. I also look up to a long-term mutual of mine who has been following me for years (even before I started drawing, and only posted my urbex photography), and she is most recognized for her webcomic, Homunculus, which is also about traumatized kids… Why don't I just make Tenshitsuki's story into a comic? We already have way too much fun imitating comic book art styles and enjoy the hero subversion genre a lot. It'd be easy to do one page every week or two. It's not like anyone would be clamoring for more like they are with my friend, so there would be no rush.
No.432
>>430I'm
>>426 Much love anon. I'll do my best to be safe, you too. I'll read your comic if you make it!
No.433
>>432Thank you! ^///^
We will still need to learn how to build a website for that so it'll be a while before anything gets uploaded.
>>387Also, I recently changed my main Twitter and Tumblr @s and forgot to let people know. The new Twitter username is @_Scar_Bunny_ and my art Tumblr username is now @scar-bunnie . If you're looking for my urbex blog, its still @wanderersnexus on Tumblr.
Sorry for the inconvenience, we are on the run a lot. Hope everyone enjoys the comic when it starts. (And that someone will hopefully commission us soon, we are out of money and food ; _ ;)
No.438
>>437Co słychać, mój brat? Nie mowię dobrze po Polsku, ale umiem pisać… trochę ; w ;
I'm second generation Polish American, so I deliberately learned specific tiny parts of the language to hide my true feelings from people like my siblings, who didn't put in the effort to learn it (or understand me) for themselves. My accent is terrible though. I learned Russian first as a mandatory part of high school, so my pronunciation of Slavic syllables is ironically better in Russian, but I at least hope whatever language I speak that isn't English still keeps the family away. Learned parts of Japanese for the same reason. ^^;
Anyway, we haven't been doing much art lately (no thanks to our relatives making us wanna slide) but here are some whiteboard drawings I did because we can't make a to-do list or take notes without drawing. Hannah, my little alter, and Sunny, from Omori. 0u0
No.441
>>440That last one is slay
No.447
hi, just found your thread today and im in love with all of your artwork, it is all amazing !! ;-;
sorry to hear of your difficulties with getting treatment, i deal with a similar issue
would it be ok if i used some of your artwork as covers for my music and if u still take commissions, where should i contact? ty
No.448
>>447Thank you for the comment, it means a lot to me. I hope you get medical care soon too. I feel like I'm getting a little closer myself. As for commissions, I would say the best place to reach me would be my business email at this point, since I ended up setting a lot of my social media to private to get away from my family.
The email is knsrek3@gmail.com. Let me know here if you have trouble reaching me for anything. Full page colored drawings are 12 USD or 15 if they have a complex background or add characters. As for using existing drawings as album covers, I generally say no unless it's music that I personally like and want to see succeed specifically. If you want to send me a sample of something to that e-mail I would love to listen and see if I feel like my art is a good fit for the cover(s). 0u0
P.S. here's a commission I just finished today. The character is from Rabi-Ribi but I don't think I ever saw the game so I don't know if she's *quite* this unhinged with that hammer that she carries… but I wanted to do a violent pose real bad!!! 0u0;;;
No.453
>>452It's being used as an expression that something is stupid. There's other meanings tho.
No.454
other anon sucks, your work is lovely. I hope your situation improves soon
No.455
>>453Thanks for letting me know I can completely disregard your input braindead input. Please stop following me around Uboachan, kay? I'd really like that. 0u0
No.456
>>454^/////^ thank you so much, good luck to you too <3
No.457
>>455I'm not the guy that said bruh at you. I'm just giving you the definition.
No.458
>>457Oh, oops… I'm very sorry. I get bullied online a lot, even here. So I've come to expect the worst.
'n'
Here is a death angel drawing. It's Black Moon Lilith again! (She is also known to the dead ones as "The Phoenix" and right hand of Novaau, the dandelion god). She has been alive since the 1600s, and has killed hundreds of thousands of child traffickers, violent parents, pedophiles and the like, burning them alive the way they tried to do to her when she was young for being a "witch".
Irony 0u0
No.460
>>458>>459You're such a softie, do words really hurt you?
no place for the weak in this world
No.461
>>450If I may make a suggestion because my own life path is trending here and I've had some experience with it. Instead of being homeless maybe join an intentional community? There's a somewhat time consuming process to join the larger legit ones, but once you start that process it's worth it I think.
The two I'm going to recommend are well established and actively accept visitors, I've visited one of them before. You have to visit for 3 weeks during a visitor period and then if you're chill, don't get into fights with people, and are able to show you can complete the weekly work quota they'll most likely accept you.
After your visitor period you have to spend some time away from the community before returning as a provisional member, they do this to ensure that new provisional members genuinely want to be there, it reasons that if people leave and don't come back then the honeymoon period wore off. This is definitely a challenge when homeless, but you should mention that to them because they'll have advice and some of the people living in communities like this were formerly homeless themselves.
Also, at Twin Oaks specifically I was told as a piece of advice not to get into a relationship with anyone until after becoming a full member. This is because some older members who have been trying to find a partner for many years sometimes get jealous and vote against accepting new people out of jealousy even though they shouldn't and it only takes a few no votes to prevent someone from joining. (Not everything is perfect in community, there are still conflicts but people do strive to be cooperative in my experience.)
Once you're accepted as a member it's very hard for people to kick you out though, it takes a supermajority vote of the whole community. The only time I've heard of people getting booted are if they consistently don't work enough for many many months or commit some crime of physical violence against other members.
Everyone has their own room, a monthly stipend, and community provided healthcare.
https://www.twinoaks.org/https://www.ic.org/directory/east-wind-community/Here are some cozy pictures I took on my visit. I don't know if this will help or not, but most people don't even know secular communities like this exist so I wanted to put it out there.
No.462
>>460the only thing weaker than someone admitting their flaws and misunderstandings is a parasite like you that isn't aware of how enslaved to their own insecurity they really are :3
if you wanna talk about weakness, look in the mirror sweetie~ ^.^
No.464
>>462I presume your post to be a provocation but since legit there are people out there like that, pay heed to my advice and grow some mental fortitude
No.496
your art is really cool!! thanks for sharing
