Hi everyone, long time lurker here. I don't normally like to talk, not even online, so this is a first for me. I've been a NEET for going on ten years now. I make myself feel better by saying that I'm taking care of my parents(helped both lose weight, cook them healthy meals, keep the house clean, take care of animals, ect), but I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm a waste of space if I don't have an income of my own.
I applied for a few jobs and I'm not qualified to stock shelves or putz around a movie theater, but I've gotten a call back for some grocery store. The thing is, I can't bring myself to answer the phone, I just start getting sick, I start crying, and panicking. I cried at the job interview I had years ago, and when I tried to get into school, I ended up crying and getting sick in the dean's office. I don't know what it is, I don't want to be some self-diagnosing jerk, but I think its some kind of anxiety issue that it's really keeping me from my goals. I feel like even if I did answer the phone, somehow got the job, I'd still blow it by breaking down in the middle of a supermarket.
Sorry it's so long to read. I just don't know what to do. I often consider suicide. Maybe I should try some freelance things online, just to get a small income? Did you or are you experiencing the same sort of anxiety? Did you cope, with or without drugs or therapy? How do you feel fulfilled?
Thanks for reading, all… I hope everyone's doing better than I am right now.
I'd say you should try opening up more. From the looks of it, having so little contact is what made you get to this point. I recommend you to start talking more with people, get some online friends, and start posting more and exercising in this thing whole "communication" thing. Also, calm down when talking and take it easy; you aren't expected to answer as soon as the other party finishes. First think, then say. And don't be scared to fuck up.
If you feel dumb or something when talking, remember that there are stupid celebrities in TV saying absolute bullshit and they're still loved by thousand of equally stupid people.
>I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm a waste of space if I don't have an income of my own.
I can't really tell you some groundbreaking truth that will make you change your point of view, but I can say that housewives do not have any income yet they are essential. Even when by society's standard you are not really some woow, great alpha "american dream" guy, it's not like you're living out of the money from your parents as a leech while doing nothing and playing games all day or something. But if you want to improve, you have to know that you will have to fight for it with all your might. Strive towards your future at full force, try to fix yourself and get the best of you.
And then, when you've cured your anxiety problems, just then you can concentrate in trying to find a job or finishing school. Otherwise it'll be like trying to cross a wide river without even knowing how to swim.
>I've been a NEET for going on ten years now
Are you one of those fabled home-schooled NEETs?
>Did you or are you experiencing the same sort of anxiety?
Yeah, i've been NEET for little over 4 years because of it. I won't go into detail but it was really bad, like every time I bothered going outside, i'd actually have people treat me differently due to being an ugly, nervous wreck and having that "pls just kill me ;_;" vibe.
>Did you cope, with or without drugs or therapy?
It's getting better without the help of therapists and medication. Both were absolutely useless to me. Exercise, really cutting down on recreational internet use, getting some more productive hobbies, using help from multiple resources from
the web, adopting a more practical mindset, and just slowly building up to "bigger" social situations has been helping a ton. I went back to school very recently and I had a few people actually try to get to know me in the brief time I was there
(had to drop the semester due to finaid payment issues and self-doubts on excessive group-work readiness). I still have a long way to go and I struggle with self-esteem issues but I can see the probability of something else in some years.
>How do you feel fulfilled?
Some of what I mentioned above helps but like you, the lack of any income really gets to me. Currently trying to deal with that…
Really stupid suggestion but have you thought about going through the gauntlet of obtaining bux, if you can? Your anxiety seems a little bit worse than mine ever was and with over a decade of NEETdom it seems you have something of a chance in getting it. You can probably take up learning something like graphic design while receiving that monthly check. Of course, I am being overly optimistic…
What do you truly want?
As soon as you find this answer.
Everything will be bright.
Keep searching and you shall find.
Sometimes more than you asked for.
I've known the only thing i truly want for years now and the only time I had it it slipped away painfully and horribly, and I don't know how to find it again. What's your advice to me?
We can't help if you don't give us the whole story, you know.
I vaguely understand.
Take this as a helping hand.
Don't let go for now.
If it's gone forever, then nothing can be done.
But please, don't replace old memories with new ones.
Lock them away safe, for when you may need strength.
What you want is also what i want, only fine details may differ.
For i have chosen to live in hope, memories eternal to keep me company in slumber.
I'm afraid of new ones, as you may tell.
As i read this book of history beside me.
I may not tell you all things written here.
The path i chose is for those who have no way back.
And with this, i close the book.
Still holding my hand?
Then pay attention.
The first place to start searching.
Is where you've lost something.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
See, OP? This is what you get when you're vague. Now spill the beans.
I'm not OP. I was just responding to the poem-writer on general principle. Still curious?
Yeah, I agree. A lot of this site is projected self-loathing leading to nothing but more of the same, people assuming they're absolutely worthless and in doing so making it so. It's good to see something actual and positive.
.. Which is why I didn't quite want to go into detail on what it is I meant..
Advice is better tasted cold.
The heat of discussion tastes bitter.
As the same words made to kill.
Are the words that can heal.
This is not a battlefield.
I hope you have figured.
Your can hurt my feelings.
But you can't scratch my words.
Of course. You seek genuine advice, and want to be pointed in the right direction, don't you?
I guess. I really don't know what you could tell me.
The main thing was just I grew up really isolated thanks to actions of my parents and when I did rebel and get out and met people, and realized most of them were idiots I couldn't relate to, I was still alone. I still was isolated enough that when I found one or two people I could sort of identify with, I obsessed with them even though they treated me badly, and ignored everything else.
Fast forward a couple years and I've sort of gotten over that, discarded it and become resigned. Then I meet a really, really screwed up person with a lot of the same issues that is vulnerable and bitter and interesting and similar enough to be insanely sympathetic. And cute.
And of course they're (also) a trust-issue laden fuck and the two of us at any given time either fight or love each other
Inevitably though it of course ends crashing and burning in a way that would be hilarious for anyone observing thanks to both our issues. I still miss them and think of them whenever I wake up but there's not much doing.
I decided my main problem is just my isolation, that maybe I could meet other people I can actually really relate to and feel for if I get out and do stuff. So I've been bothering to get out and meet people, improve myself, but don't have any hope of finding anyone I can relate to or care about like that again.
Honestly, I think it's just something I should probably learn to accept in the meantime, but it's not easy. I don't even have major social anxiety as an excuse either so I feel weird going on about it here; I just don't feel people, or at least very rarely do.
Don't think OP is but I AM actually one of those fabled homeschooled neets btw.
So you finally met someone you could relate to, and it didn't last.
Where exactly did you meet them?
You gave an explanation for why the friendship failed, but could you shed some light on how it happened? What were the last few days like?
>I still miss them and think of them whenever I wake up
Do you think they might feel the same way?
Has your ability to "feel" people diminished since the loss of your friend?
>So I've been bothering to get out and meet people, improve myself, but don't have any hope of finding anyone I can relate to or care about like that again
I think the solution here is obvious. You want them back, don't you?
Someplace kind of like this. Though I don't know where I'd find another like them now.
Normal. At least to me. It seemed sudden, them leaving.
I don't know. Probably not to that extent. We had something deep enough they are going to miss me, but I think they're handling it better, will probably have an easier time replacing me than vice-versa, especially with this feeling of mine.
Probably. I've still made a few new friends out of [spoiler]GED classes[/spoiler] and I can get along well enough outside my own head, but most times I hang out with people it just makes me do comparisons in my own head and I miss them again.
Sure, but that isn't happening. And I wouldn't want it to, at least in the same way. So I really ought to just try and do something. I feel I have enough potential anything else would be pissing in the wind for the sake of someone who has more than enough of their own problems anyway and reiterating something obscenely silly and unhealthy.
People are unique. Cognitive bias or false hopes are often what convince us otherwise. It took you years to meet someone you could truly relate to. What has changed since your friendship with them ended? What have you learned about finding such people? Your odds are slimmer than ever.
You can replace the friend you play video games or discuss literature with. You can find another person to watch movies with. These friendships are little more than bonding over mutual hobbies. You can't replace a real friend - someone who you can connect with emotionally. There will always be a sense of loss, because you gave a part of yourself to them.
>I don't know. Probably not to that extent. We had something deep enough they are going to miss me, but I think they're handling it better, will probably have an easier time replacing me than vice-versa, especially with this feeling of mine.
If you really were as close as you thought, then they're likely suffering over this too.
>Sure, but that isn't happening. And I wouldn't want it to, at least in the same way.>I feel I have enough potential anything else would be pissing in the wind for the sake of someone who has more than enough of their own problems anyway and reiterating something obscenely silly and unhealthy.
I wouldn't call it entirely obscenely silly and unhealthy. If that were the case, it wouldn't have had such a big impact on you. You'd feel relief that it's over.
Two broken people sought comfort in one another, but they each came with their own baggage. Was the friendship doomed from the start? Conventional wisdom would say so, but it was constructed by the common people in an attempt to understand things they were incapable of.
How mentally stable is your friend? Are they getting professional help, or open to the possibility of it? The answer to that will determine whether it's salvageable, because I'm certain things could work out if boundaries were established with mutual understanding. It doesn't have to be a destructive relationship; You can help each other grow too.
is the key here. If they feel you're not being fair, or abandoning them somehow, then it's not going to work. Trust issues make everything difficult, but I'm sure you already know that.
>>16661>You can replace the friend you play video games or discuss literature with. You can find another person to watch movies with. These friendships are little more than bonding over mutual hobbies. You can't replace a real friend - someone who you can connect with emotionally. There will always be a sense of loss, because you gave a part of yourself to them.
>How mentally stable is your friend?
They are getting help, have been, but I don't know how much that'll really do. As for the being able to actually have something decent and salvageable, well yeah, I thought so too, but I doubt they would.
>>16663>As for the being able to actually have something decent and salvageable, well yeah, I thought so too, but I doubt they would.
Your doubts are a product of your experiences and intuition. They may safeguard you from unnecessary pain, or prevent you from attaining what you truly desire. Think over it, and make a choice.
If you're not going to re-establish contact with them, find a way to cope with the loss (that doesn't involve self-destruction), and understand that you're not going to find a replacement. Some people just can't relate to "normal" human beings, and they're forced to find other ways to self-actualize. It's better than chasing something that may or may not exist.
I don't have a choice. Wish I did.
A man has to live among men. When he doesn't, shit goes awry. As human beings our foremost need outside the things necessary to keep the blood pumping is the approval of others. I don't really know if many people could actually live without others, though there are a lot of obstacles to that. I think my problem may lessen with time, or maybe I'll find someone else I can relate to, but self-isolating is a retarded solution. If nothing else, I'm at least going to try and better myself, because really, outside just seizing it, that's the only way you ever get anything better: becoming worthy of it.
Sorry if that makes little sense, I should be asleep. Going to get on that now.
As big as your smile.
The harder it becomes.
The easier it is to understand.
Thats rather wise and courageious, i hope you have some luck.
Indeed isolating yourself is just a slower death, its better to take chances.
>>16668>our foremost need outside the things necessary to keep the blood pumping is the approval of others
Nah, you're just an insecure attention seeker.
Kinda what society is founded upon anon. We're a social species.
I'm fairly secure in myself, actually like myself, that doesn't mean I don't get lonely.
If I just found validation in ANYONE I wouldn't have any problem.
I kind of agree with this. I've always had various isolationist fantasies and I tend to avoid people and love just staying inside all day. Even having family around makes it more difficult to relax than when I'm alone.
Yet even so, I've come to realize that I still crave company on some level.>>16623
Perhaps if you focused on certain types of people instead of everyone. I have some social anxiety although probably not nearly as bad as you. But in my experience being around a lot of people is just like a mental overload due to worrying about every little detail and predicting how every type of person will react to everything that happens. So if your problem is similar maybe you should try coming up with some tricks to take your mind off of things, which I know is way easier said than done.
Personally I think I handle it sometimes by focusing only on a mental picture of the type of people I like (and understand) and what they would think instead of what everyone thinks. If I felt like I was doing good in that context then that would be good enough for me.
It's not always easy though, usually I still have problems around a lot of people but what doing this helps with a lot is how I feel afterward.
Also, there's probably medication you could get for it if you wouldn't mind that sort of thing. But I've never tried any so I can't really say much about that.
Oh boy, essentialist rhetoric.
You're a girl, hopefully. Men don't think like this.
That last part is a bit of a stretch.
You two are having an interesting argument though. Certainly, anxiety sometimes but doesn't always have a social basis, but is the approval of others a fundamental human desire, or not?
>>16751>Men don't think like this.
Faggots don't count as men