/n/ - NEET

Most broken people are used to being miserable, they are almost dead inside.
It takes a very sharp and devestating pain to cause someone to commit suicide, for example there are cases of perfectly functional people that have led normal lives and have careers and families and such, but when they lost it they commit suicide.
On the other hand people like us just are used to it and have either accepted their fate and found ways to cope, or are simply so hollowed out and tired they cannot take up the energy to do it.

Hope.
Hoping you can find a solution for your issue, find happiness and live a long prosperous life, is just too good to abandon.

Voices in my head told me to live. I'm not really making any good effort in trying to live properly though. Death will come eventually, no real point in trying to hurry up, atleast in my current state.

I thought about committing suicide recently, but while sitting there and thinking about it I realized that it would amount to nothing. I have done nothing in my life to truly affect the world in some way. Most of the people I thought were my friends are all moving on and being successful, and after I came out of the closet most of them cut all ties with me as well. I keep sinking deeper and deeper into the just pit of my own making and part of me know that no one is coming to help me climb out of it. Then the doubts, worries, and hesitancy all catch up with me and remind me that it's just so much easier to not do anything and become more alienated from my friends. So the reason I don't just quit is because in some kinda fucked way I believe I don't deserve too. May family may have guided me to the edge of the pit and pushed me, but somewhere along the way I chose not to keep trying to climb out.

1. There's no real rush, we will all die at one point might as well surf the whole way through than bailing out

2. Am afraid of the unknown, or at least am afraid what will happen afterwards honestly It would be preferable to not have existence after death.

3.I might have not reached that threshold yet where it IS preferable to die (dying of a sickness or being heavily mangled beyond repair where someone needs to wipe my ass)

So I guess I would wait it out and see what happens, also I would have to prefer not living at all honestly, who the fuck gives life just to take it away?

Unfortunately there is people and the cutest cat ever that care about me. I just wanna stop fucking up

I don't want to die because I think that I will be able to meet a nice guy and we can make each other happy. I would like to be a programmer and an artist but mainly I want a nice boyfriend. I don't really have aspirations besides this, I guess.

My dad wants me to have children and continue the family name or whatever (there's only one other eligible guy with our last name but he has Crohn's disease and that means he shouldn't have kids for whatever reason I guess (according to my family)). I think you can tell from my tone what my feelings about this are though.

>>16301

Also I feel closer than ever to start working in a job I want. I'm basically guaranteed an internship if I complete all my classes next semester.

For me, there is a basic gratitude and joy in living as a sentient being in this otherwise lifeless universe - lifeless from my limited 4-dimensional conscious human brain, of course. Being alive feels like a gift to me - every morning that I rise from bed. I -get- to be alive. Even just sitting doing nothing, is awesome. I have this hunch that the universe we live in is more alive or meaningful than a 4D brain can comprehend. Part of a larger machine we can't comprehend. Maybe not significant individually, but without that individual, the whole thing would collapse. We support the entire universe at a foundational level while we exist, because we have choice. Even if we are just subatomic quantum particles choosing to stray when seen. We vote with our actions, at a human society level, but also affecting the universe in unkown ways. The worst thing about being alive for me though, really, is the selfish attachment to my consciousness. I feel meaningful and significant, but so have the 100 billion other people who have ever existed on Earth. It's an awful shame that people have had to die, and continue to die. Life is amazing, and everybody should have the chance to live as long as they wish. Constrained to our mortal bodies feels like a punishment. Population control and technology advancement are essential for the human species to rise above their current dark age and become the gods they can be.

>>16295
>"Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness."

>>16298
>might as well surf the whole way through

>>16301
As a lonely individual, you want companionship, and you idealize that as a boyfriend - a single best friend to be social with. Some people fill that with a social circle, going to bars, or even having pets. I hope you've had several relationships in experience, because finding a partner that fits you well is hard. It's easy to love anyone short-term, but to find a person you can live and love with long-term is hard.
I, too, want to program and art. But motivation. If I had somebody to collaborate with, I'm certain I could progress.

>>16307
I really like this post.
I don't know if you could really consider a gift but it's a privilege an on order that's hard to really comprehend. Sure we're still ultimately just an emergent property of silica and carbon but we get self-awareness, we get complex, profound joys and sorrows, we get the ability to truly BE. And it sucks a lot of times, and joy is rare for anyone, but we get another thing too: the ability to change ourselves and better ourselves, the ability to influence our own fate. There's a certain urge among people to forget about that or to downplay it, because it's also a massive responsibility and it seems impossible sometimes, but it's still there.

That same urge drives us to downplay the significance of any individual, but even actions that don't seem like they affect anyone else still can and do.

>>16320
BUT WHY

Well, lets just say I'm holding off until AT LEAST until next October, even then, who knows. There are books I still wanna read, movies to see, I still need to finish Cheers…

I may a little hope to find some sort of excitement in this boring world. All this ISIS shit has made my days a little interesting at least…

The idea of death is really appealing to me. I myself believe in an afterlife and I honestly believe I will live a very satisfying happy life after I die. Nevertheless, I wouldn't rush my death unless cornered to do so.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFptt7Cargc

as disappointing as I might be to my family, they would be devastated if I killed myself. I think I at least owe it to them to not kill myself while they're alive.

>>16335
Don't kill yourself anon.

>>16307
>Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
Is it bad to use hope to keep yourself alive Dr. Freud McDeep Edges?

I haven't experienced mutual love yet. It's just about the only part of my innocence left in tact besides my daydreams. Maybe the heartbreak that follows will be the ultimate trigger.

>>16337
It's a quote from The Matrix Reloaded.

>>16293
I've been wondering that myself lately, especially as it's now officially -the holidays-. And the answer is… I have no fucking idea. I'm thoroughly depressed, I'm friendless, dateless, poor and failing two years of college. Quite literally the best I can expect this year for my birthday is my mom taking me out for an hour and giving me like 50% like I'm still a kid and not 22 years old. I'm absolutely pathetic.

But I don't know, I can't die. At some god damn level I don't want to die. Maybe it's cowardice or insane hope that something will change for the better and I will be "saved" from this existence.

>>16350
*50$

>>16350
My recent birthdays have consisted of being taken out for a while and given some money and I've not had a problem with it. What would you want for your birthday instead?

>>16352
By your mom, though? Being taken out by my mom at 22 years of age (soon to be 23, shudder) is the crowning jewel in the failure that is my life.

>What would you want for your birthday instead?
I don't know, tbh. I've thought about it but no matter what there are two strains of thought

-realistically that IS the best thing I can expect. Realistically absolutely nothing better has a chance of happening, anyway.

-in my dreams, idk, I'd like to have friends, some job, even crappy one so I can afford to pay for my own stuff and… maybe even a gf.

I'm in a relationship with someone as well as have close friends. There's no reason for me to die unless I become homeless and can't find food or any way to survive I won't kill myself.

I used to be very suicidal but I realized that it would be a waste to just end it for many reasons >>16307 stated. Being alive and this intelligent gives us the ability to enjoy so many little things. Maybe I don't like myself but I can just change myself to someone I do like. It just takes time. Anime and media is a big reason why I love life as well. But there's things outside of that like nice weather or cooking a meal that tastes good.

Even if I feel suicidal feelings rise up again I just remember how I'd disappoint the person I love the most and hurt him and a bunch of other close friends.

>>16299
Also raises a good point but I can sympathize with the idea that sometimes it's just too painful to continue on.

I'm too afraid of brain damaging or crippling myself because then I'd be stuck here for good in worse shape than I am now. Even if it means suffering for a very long time, I'd rather wait for a good opportunity that'll almost certainly end my life than go into it unprepared and seriously fuck myself up. I'm also extremely scared of the way that medical professionals treat suicide attempts.

I realized I must life in order to take care of my little brother. That made me go to a shrink and got some pills. I will also send him to a psychologist since he grew without a father like me an yesterday he said his teddy bear is his father.

who /dissociation/ here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD-HC_R1C5Y

I don't have any reasons to live really. I don't have friends or anything like that. But I have a tiny bit of hope. Like things will get better. But they probably won't.

>>16629
Hope can be dangerous. Going through a miserable life with the delusion that maybe things will get better… you would be setting yourself up for disappointment. And what will you do when you realize your situation isn't likely to improve? Will you curse an imaginary entity for your misfortune? Or just give up completely, rotting away?

>>16630
another option is just accepting it and trying again

I am a happy person with several hobbys and currently looking for a new job.

Also I got a good family which I love and since 4 months a gf, lets see if it works out well. Wish me luck.

>>16631
Until it actually breaks you and you cant go on any longer and die with absolutely nothing but regret, hatred and sorrow.
Assuming you arent so broken you can actually feel anything at all at that point.

Lets face it in reality only our actually physical survival instinct and lack of motivation for such an act keeps up alive.

Having the ability to play vidya and my interest in music production and computer engineering shit, but mostly vidya.

If I didn't have that, at least, then I probably have no reason to live. No friends and etc.

Why do we sleep?
"To rest" one would say.
But the answer is to wake up.
We want to see tomorrow.
That is as good as reason to live.
As i can give you.

>>16637
If you're dead you're dead as far as I can assume, but as long as you're alive I think you'll be miserable forever if you don't try. If you do, you might still be miserable forever, but being alive means you have the chance not to be, maybe. If I die with regret at least I'd be dead anyways so it doesn't matter.