/n/ - NEET

Uh hello, this is my first time posting here.
I usually lurk different chans and boards, rarely do I post in them unless they caught my interest.
But the thread isn't about how am a newfag, it mostly has to do with the social problem I am facing and yesterday it kinda hit me that I am probably spiraling more out of synch lately since I am doing things I don't usually do.

to start off I was a social outcast since the beginning of elementary school which I assume most of /n/ were, back then in elementary I would get bullied and more often than not tricked and ridiculed by my peers, and most of the staff brushed me off as being a liar since most of the kids in my class (at least 2/3rds of them) would say I was lying.
I assume this was the beginning of the end since this stunted my ability to trust other people and open up to them.
The bullying carried on until the end of middle school, of course the damaged was already done i became an apathetic empty person and spent most of my time staying home and skipping classes in high school to drink and do drugs, this was basically the start of my neet-ness.
for 4 years since my freshman year to "senior" year(basically had freshman credits after 4 years of doing nothing) all I did was drink, drugs, videogames, Music, and Movies.
and I had my self to blame, I let my fears control me and influence me that If I went to highschool I would probably get bullied again and that would have been the breaking point honestly, I would have either done harm to myself or to others if that were to ever happen so i shut myself in my mothers apartment and kept to myself. (I would only go outside to either get food or do "business" which I won't specify for the well being of myself and others)

but recently I decided I wanted to change my life around and applied for GED classes, that was around 5-6 months ago I can't remember but that isn't the issue, it's mostly my state of mind currently I almost started to cry in the middle of class and I have been lately feeling a hard pressure near my chest (I would say this the feeling I get when I get emotionally rocky) and I also just feel like giving up and just sit down and take a some time to contemplate some things or just rest,
I don't know if it's the fact that am in an environment that I tried my hardest to stay away from (school) or because this is the end of the road for me.
Of course I felt like this many times since elementary but never as hard hitting as now.

I really don't know what to do and I feel pretty lost at this moment.