/n/ - NEET

Welcome

Quite an elaborate writing really, i can see youre skilled.

From what i can gather from your post it seems like like your addiction problem is psychological, as basicly i never heard of anyone being physically addicted to it either.
I suppose youre not a social stoner, meaning you just puff on your own at home?
The way you describe it makes me think that you are simply sick of your life and have no reason to pursue it, the weed just being a distraction.
Well i can see how its a hard place to be trapped in, dont give in.
Maybe you ought to go cold turkey, just as an experiment, its never easy and the only way to do it is to maintain discipline and if you fail try again, but dont try too hard.
Maybe if you manage to stop smoking pot youl get somewhere, if not, you tried and then can keep enjoing it knowing the other side.

Good luck bro.

I don't have enough experience, so I'm going to brainstorm a little, considering possibilities.
Physical marijuana addiction exists. These chances are probably higher if one has tendencies for addiction (which you claimed to have), and from what I read, higher for those that started on their teens and use daily. It's cool and all to link everything to problems from the mind, but the problem could just be physical (or both). In this case, maybe the medicine will help (what kind are they suge?), or just behavioral exercises, like constant rewarding of good habits and being around motivational support.

For psychological reasons, from your post I could find:
Guilty from not deserving your place in life (cheating of sorts);
Dissatisfaction with the current society structure;
Lack of motivation and anxiety from these two;
Maybe just anxiety in general? Everyone in this board seem to have a problem with it, lol;
Just plain laziness? (It's a possibility);

If these are really the case, you could start doing projects to change society. It could be either active or passive, from acting with solutions on the real world to just plain studying and writing about how things are done, how they could be done, or how they ended up being as they are now. Maybe these could give you some motivation. You probably did something similar already, but I would imagine not as ambitious.

From my limited experience, any solution you may try (physical or psychological) isn't hard to work if you have a friend/friends with a similar view on things that could constantly give emotional and organizational support. Doing things alone seem to easily make things fall into procrastination or success/failing cycles. As >>15003 pointed out, do you smoke alone or socially? How isolated are you when falling for the trap? If staying with others is a problem, talking to yourself is a good solution (not joking. It's a common practice in many fields).

Good luck.

>but I kind of have an addictive/passionate personality
>I'm not really sure how to break this cycle
As someone with the same personality type, the only solution seems to be either finding a new obsession or just letting depression take all your energy/passion/stuff away.
I wish you luck.

Couple of other things; thanks for the replies again:

>I'm 21 male
>If you don't know what maladaptive daydreaming is, google it tell me if im nuts because I dont know anyone else who does this lmao

yeah I have anxiety issues / issues leaving my house

I used to be overweight and got beat-up quite often because of my race, so for the longest time i was very self-conscious to the point that I didn't really go outside, even when I moved.

Now I'm (By others words) quite attractive and well spoken for my age, yet I don't enjoy others company in the normal way. I've had many a few girlfriends, but whenever the relationship became serious intimately,

I shelled myself away completely not really out of choice, but just psychologically - I dont feel adequate enough to reciprocate those feelings physically or mentally. Hell, this is probably the only thing that might be remotely normal in here (inb4 no lmao)

As you can tell though, Im pretty aloof about it all.

I smoke both alone and socially - but I vastly prefer alone.

Because alone, I simply just enter another world. Time almost stops and existence becomes satisfying.

Sorry im not good at this site, so im just going to quote direct lines from posts and reply to them, since wee're all anon

@15005 Unfortunately, this is very relatable to me. I used to professionally game for roughly seven years, and once I dropped that - there was a void. I filled it with writing,

but once I had a significant trauma, I shut myself away mentally, as if to escape from my shell. I've since moved forward from that - but everytime anything goes wrong or I get depressed, its like that situation represents itself and takes control of the steering wheel.

As I said, I'm a pussy. I'm not lazy or stupid, I see the problem. Its tangible. But beyond weed, theres something going on here. Its just im supposed to be the one to figure it out and I cant rofl..

At 15003 im not sick of life just the life im forced to currently live, slave to my debt of college, slave to the job I cant quit for fear of repossession, slave to the repetitive lifestyle that I have no choice to alter even if I wanted to.

Ive contemplated filing for bankrupcy and just being homeless, because I'm tired of the confines of human life.

I dont necessarily want to suicde, even if I have the thoughts. I have a passion for my dream and ultimately want to write my books - eventually, writing stories for games on consoles handhelds on PC.

It might be on the other side of the coin of laziness - but every job I've worked I've had massive anxiety debilitate me to the point I could not go to work. It was entirely customer related, and I was widely praised and commended as the best employee.

My second job I worked a year at a restaurant - I lost over 140 lbs just from getting salads every day and physically working hard via OT and whatever.

But I quit because I couldn't engage with customers. I have no issues with people in general - im actually a social butterfly - if you met me, you might not presume anything was wrong at all.

However - I am a perfectionist, so if the job involves customer interaction im nervous to the point i dont even want to get up - cant sleep the night before, have to get up hours before my shift to mentally and physically prepare myself -

if my shifts 9 am, im up at 5. The two times I was late because my alarm didnt go off -I called off work because I had a panic/anxiety attack.

I had to talk myself everyday on the ride, before work - talk myself up to convince myself to go, that nothing would go wrong - I'd be fine - and once im there the balls rolling.

However, theres always some trigger. Something unrelated to work. Someone dying. someone stealing from me. Me lying. All of these things - if any trigger is added to my mental plate - i become self destructive - I can barely handle the anxiety of going to work, that anything else essentially sends me off a cliff.

@15004 - I'm sorry, and this may sound terrible, but my friends in real life - this is beyond them. Their comprehension of the social and behavioral psyche are not adequate for stimulating any sort of productive work. I've tried - we'd all hang regularly - so I said hey instead of sitting around doing nothing

why dont we do something with our time like work on a project, game, something? My answer: When im off work I just want to do something mindless, fun, casual. So essentially their answer was they were content with their lives and the slave mentality that they conform to. Beyond any sort of mindless activities - anything related to controversies, politics, life , HELP - everything is met with a sentence or less or an I dont know.

I love these guys, and this isn't hate - I just have no one to turn to.

My parents are both old (65 years old plus) (remember, im 21) and are devout christians (previously pastors).

I do not believe, and that amplifies the living situation. Anything I go to about with them is met with a come to church, seek god, or a bible verse.

Its not that these people are stupid - but being so in key with religion dulls the natural senses of logical deduction and reasoning.

you can use it as a guide for your lifestyle, but when your lifestyle is your religion - it closes off your mind to anything not in your book. And unfortunately, thats not a life to live for me.

Anyway, wow I didnt expect to type this much -

lmao believe it or not, whenever I had some serious issues I would sit and talk to my dog late at night.

Maybe one day he'll respond to me and grant me 3 wishes or something lmao.

"Dude, I feel u bro… can I have some dog treats tho, woof"

>The systematic approach of forcing people into a slave-forced labor type society where inadequacy and unfairness are shrouded by a paycheck and fancy words.
>im disgusted with existing under the rules we are CONFINED in.

The system is not as bad as you describe, you can manipulate it and be happy. I have a job I like and I love my life.
Things are like this and it's always been like this, the best you can do is, learn to exploit it.
I actually like how capitalism works.

Thats what I guess I keep hearing -guess I just haven't found the right job.

>>15008
What kind of job do you have?

>>15019
I work for the best politician in the planet.

I worked in sales / rep.

quit though, so now jobless. All of my jobs have been customer service, unfortunately.

Using anything as a crutch can cause a person to form terrible habits unless they somehow manage to learn how to make time for that crutch and not really enjoy it outside of that time. I was sorta forced to learn that out of survival, I had to be put in a situation where I had to pick surviving or smoking weed to be able to manage it and it is very hard to not have weed in Northern California.

I sometimes wonder if I should ever even take breaks though. All my most successful friends only smoke and drink on holidays, but when I try to live that way I eventually crack. So how I throw my life away is what gets me through the day. I have goals that require more time than I seem to be able to put into them without going crazy, and I have better willpower than a lot of people I know. Not the very successful ones… however. That is where my downward spiral stems from. I'm not good enough to meet my goals without intense downtime, I'm too slow, not productive enough. I hope maybe this rings a bell, or else I'm just talking to the wind.

>>15027

that sounds identical to me.
that definitely rings a bell because word for word, I feel those feels.