/n/ - NEET

Youre suicidal, i got it sometimes too but not as bad as you.
I often think how i want dont want to live and to kill myself, but they are just stupid phatasies.
You will probably get used to it and i doubt you will do it, atleast not without something actually bad happeneing to trigger you.
I dont know what else to say, perhaps you should seek out a psychiatrist.

Suicidal thoughts are pretty common, or thinking about the ways you would like to/you could die.

From what it seems, you are, indeed, suicidal, but you're quite far from that stage where you are actually looking for a IMMINENT way of dying.
Mostly because you go to the edge of tall buildings, but you haven't stepped your first foot yet; you considered the romantic idea of jumping, but, as you said, "that day wasn't the day". The same with the bathtub thing; you slit your wrists, but it wasn't deep enough. And so, "I should try a different way next time". At least that's the feeling I got from your post.
Also, you're considering some feedback and asking what's the reason for this, so I too doubt you're close to killing yourself unless something triggers you, as the previous anon said.

If you want to know what's wrong with you, you should ask yourself what's the motive or idea that is making you jump to the conclusion that "you ought to die". Do you feel that you're not needed, anon? Perhaps you're unhappy? Or is it just the feeling of disappearing that is so tempting?

I can relate, to a point. I also feel the need that I should disappear, instead of killing myself. I feel that it would be nice to be erased from the stage; to move one step out, and then be forgotten. When I was younger I fantasized a lot about suicide, and I still do, but not so much as back then. It's mostly ways I'd like to "disappear", or nice ways to get out of this world. But I really doubt I'm going to kill myself… at least, before I turn 30. And even then, I don't really know if I will have the same idea and proceed with my plans; maybe I'd get some interest in seeing the world as much as my lifespan leaves me do so, enjoy the new technologies, or to see how far humanity makes it. You can never tell, this may actually be more of a romantic idea that I happen to fantasize on because it seems quite far away in time than actual plans.

So, anon, if you really wanted to kill yourself you'd have done so without even considering the why. And, from all you've told in your post, I can only come to the conclusion that you are, like me, someone who has some fantasies, but that's all. I may be wrong, in which case, if you want to to seek for help (since, again, it seems that you posted expecting some feedback), I recommend you to seek the company of your closest relatives/friends and, if possible, a psychiatrist.

>>14872
alot of things happened. i hate myself. i haven't done anything like a normal girl who is 21….and i'm afraid of getting older and time. there's alot of stuff in my head that's hard to explain but i've been cutting myself since i started highschool.

i'm a neet and i've only worked one time before which went horribly because of anxiety and stuff…..i didn't make alot of money either because of trying to help other people and giving alot to my dad which i shouldn't have done because he is horrible…….i'm scared to do things. i feel like i'm bothering people. and this also makes me feel like i should kill myself.
sometimes i'm jealous of the other neet people here because they live with their parents who take care of them but both of mine are crazy and separated. when my grandma left to baby my dad with his new family that he can't support i was left here and suddenly i'm really poor with my moms poor mother…….i don't have a bed or room or internet or cable or sometimes food, so should i really call myself a neet? at this point i'm just homeless, useless garbarge or something.

when i think about things from the past it gets worse. people tell me not to think about those things but i can't. that's been my whole life up till now. it's all i have to remember.

i'm going to a phsycologist and therapist monday, but i don't know how that's gonna help. they talk to tons of people, why would they care? it's just their job. they're going to just think i'm pathetic in their heads probably. it will be embarrassing to tell a person irl about this stuff.

thanks for replying. i am going to a psychiatrist so maybe that will help…idk. also i like that ghost in the shell art. it's probably my favorite anime motoko is so cool.

>>14871
yeah, i am used to it. if something really bad happens like you said, well at least something bad to me, i can cut myself deeper than usual without feeling it much. people were telling me that i might kill myself by accident doing that. i don't see how that could happen but they were threatening to send me to the crazy house so i hide it from everyone now and they think i don't do it anymore.

>>14873
>i'm going to a phsycologist and therapist monday, but i don't know how that's gonna help. they talk to tons of people, why would they care? it's just their job. they're going to just think i'm pathetic in their heads probably. it will be embarrassing to tell a person irl about this stuff.

Well, from what I have learned with all those psychology books and internet threads (mind you, I'm not really an "expert" or something of the sort), what a therapist should do is help you sort your thoughts and show you things that you can't see of yourself. When we're depressed, we tend to think excessively in a negative way about everything, and we become blind to any possible way out of our current situation, since we don't even consider it as a viable way or we dismiss it.
That's where their input is important; so if you feel you're not making any progress with the sessions, just tell them so or drop it.

Internet also is really good when seeking advice if you manage to find a nice community with good feedback; uboachan is currently a bit inactive, but the anons here are cool people and they tend to write interesting posts. You're welcome to keep a discussion here if you feel that venting with your therapist isn't helping at all.
It's kinda shitty that you don't have an internet connection available whenever you want, though.

>i haven't done anything like a normal girl who is 21… and i'm afraid of getting older and time
To be honest, I haven't done anything normal for someone my age, too; except going to college. I'm a secluded person who doesn't leave the house except for education and to go buy groceries… occasionally to buy materials to make my own clothes. I even cut my own hair since I was 13 so I don't have to go out. I don't have a single friend; I never dated anyone, and I don't plan to.
Doing "Normal" things is a bit underrated in our society. Most of them are actually pretty pointless and only for the appearances, for people to boost their ego saying "well, even if I fucked up here and there in my life, at least I AM a normal citizen!" and stuff.
It's not like I'm saying I see anything wrong with wishing to do these things, it's just that I feel you're getting worked up by something that, in itself, isn't objectively that important.
I also get pretty anxious when I think of how fast time passes for me, too, and I don't have any advice here except to just enjoy what you can, and working in what you don't like.

From the other words in your post, yeah, I'm sorry, you really had some pretty bad life. Since you say you can't stop remembering these things since "they're all" that you have as a memory of your life, I suggest you to try and change the point of view and move your thoughts a bit further. From today onwards, when you think of these things, try to think of them as "the kind of situation I don't want to face in my life ever again", and work on a future that leads far away from the disgust you feel for the past.
I'm not saying that you will become your ideal person just from thinking this, though; to put it a bit bluntly (since I can't come with another example), you are "broken", so fixing yourself should be your priority now. Fighting anxiety isn't an easy thing, but it's possible. Being scared of doing new stuff and thinking in the future is normal too; just try at least once before giving up. I'm sorry it sounds like those stupid books/manuals written by jerks to boost their self-steem about how they won in life, but it's actually a solid ground to start from.

The thing that seems to be the major problem now is that you're currently in a loop of "I can't do anything -> I'm useless -> Because of that, I'm poor -> I can't do anything". It's a really hard situation. I'll be honest here: I never faced such a situation, so I really cannot tell any advice to help you specifically on this without feeling like an hypocrite, and I can only ask you if you went so any social bureau that can give you a hand on this, or support from friends/family (sadly, though, from what you said in your post, this isn't an option).
But, let me tell you: this major problem of yours is actually being fueled by your feelings of uselessness, too! Since you're in that loop, and you feel that you really can't do anything, you can't come with a way to fight your way out, nor the energy and will necessary for such task.
That's why I suggest that you try to heal your wounds first before trying to look for a solution. That's it, if you decide to fight and go on.

I'm really sorry I can't tell more to help you, and I don't really think a post in the internet is really the ideal way to encourage someone and help them to take the way to improve their life, but I earnestly hope that you will improve your condition and manage to successfully get over your feet again.

Whatever your choices in the future are, I wish you the best of luck.

>>14873
Don't call yourself a girl; you are an adult. You need to decide where you want - where you really want - your life to go. Having someone to help you with that decision is a rarity.

If you aren't doing anything else, Go to college.. figure out what you need to do to get enrolled and pay for college and do those things; fight for them. You are at an age where society expects you to be in college, and a degree will help you get good jobs. It won't get you good jobs, but it will help.

>>14876
Forgot to add.

If you haven't done these things before, they will be very hard. They will be very hard because you are going to have to figure out how to do things you've never done before.

I'm always telling myself "I want to die" and "kill me now" the suicidal thoughts aren't as bad after I quit heroin, but it's still always there in the back of my mind.

I almost died twice via a heroin overdose, but (un)luckily there was narcan laying around both times to save me.

Whenever I feel low I cut myself.

Same. My life is in shambles on every level, it's fucking ridiculous. At least I have a foolproof method so I can leave whenever I want.

>>14870
my first time here btw.


>neet
>20m white
>jobless dropout (neet cowers that i guess)
>suicidal

Have you tried drugs? Not the stuff doc gives you but common shit like weed\e\speed etc

It helped me for a while. Coke got me to work a bit. But before i was on track i derailed into a heavy depression. Now im not in the mood for any drugs. Drink alot tho.

Tried to off my self by hanging but before i passed out i decided not too. Havent tried it since even tho i keep the hangman knot tied and ready 2 go.

I always wanted a way out. I know for a fact things where easier for people like us before. There used to be options like join the fucking sea trade. No edcuation needed. Jump on a ship and get paid doing whatever the fuck.

Now you need education to wash a fucking shipdeck.

There used to be options then some idiot decided it should be harder. Now you pretty much fucked. THe last job i applied to was a cashier job at my local store. 123 applications was sendt. Guess what i dident get the job.

Fml fuck your life. Fuck all oure lifes.

I've had the thought from time to time, fantasized about it, but mostly out of anger. I've never seriously considered it or made a plan. Sounds like you need a serious change of life. Hell if it's come to this maybe pick a direction and walk in it?

I'd just take some random chance if all the obvious stuff isn't working out (college, work, ect.). Travel with a random internet friend or respond to a craigslist ad, or maybe just walk. Fend for yourself, and/or see if you can learn the skills needed to fend for yourself from a lucky opportunity nearby or from guides on the internet (its not much, but its something at all). I'm only alive today because I met up with some Uboachanners on a whim. If you're gonna kill yourself anyways than you've got nothing to lose.

Also I think people get suicidal when they run out of coping mechanisms, or feel useless. Maybe if you found one thing or person you cared about, then it would seem worth while?

I am going to be so rude and say that it's demons doing autosuggestions inside your head.

They project the phrase " i want to x " inside of your conscious mind and what you are perceiving is not actually " you ".
But you repeat it and thus you make it true.

Imagine a world where anything we say automatically is true, what does this imply?

Not sure if this is particularly logical or not, but generally I get out such thoughts by comparing my life to that of someone in an even worse condition than me.

Fact of the matter is, living in a Western country means that I have a standard of living far better than most people in the world. I don't starve, I can eat almost anything I want, I have clothes and a roof over my head, and I can keep cool in the summer with A/C and warm in the winter with indoor heating, and I have a variety of entertainment options at my disposal.

Compare that kind of living to the life of someone living in some shitty African country. Think of how difficult it is for someone like them to coming even close to my standard of living. And if a person like that isn't willing to commit suicide, why should I, when I am living so much better than them?

Most NEET-related depression I think comes out of loneliness and anxiety from societal/familial expectations. But we should keep in mind that in the broader perspective, these problems are peanuts compared to the kinds of problems many people in the world face. And TBH, if you told them that you were thinking about killing yourself because these problems, they'd probably laugh at you for being so soft.

>>15002

(I'm not the OP/haven't posted in this thread BTW)
The thing with trying to compare with someone worse off is that, for me, it throws me onto another train of thought: if my life is really so much better, why am I still suicidal?

Randomly pick one of the 7+ billion people on this planet, and there's a good chance that my life is better in any number of ways. But why are there people out there who are truly suffering, whose lives are worse than mine in demonstrably concrete ways, and yet somehow they can find within themselves the zeal for life that keeps them pressing forward, but my comfortable-in-comparison life is an absolute nightmare for which there is literally no choice but to end it? It makes me feel pathetic and weak, knowing that people out there would do anything to have a life like mine and here I am whining about it and wanting it to be over. People dream of the opportunities I've had and I've squandered them like a fool. People dream of some sort of income, and I desperately hope for time off. If I try to take comfort in the thought that my life may not be as bad as it seems, then I feel like a pathetic baby who whines for more. It really hammers home those feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy, and honesty it just confirms even more that I'm a worthless sack of shit who needs to fucking die already.

>>15012
Was gonna write something like this myself, not that im ungrateful for what i have but no matter how i turn things, it just wont make me any less unhappy.

If you think it shouldnt make you feel less shitty, most people are horribly wasteful and ungrateful, if anyone should feel like shit its them.
While its a mistery to me how people in this world can muster the will to live, for the more observationally gifted it might would seem more reasonable to end it prematurely.
I do wonder if said poor people would be in our shoes for long enough, if they would be come suicaidal aswell.