/n/ - NEET

Im stuck in the same "never lived" dead end as you, its really killing me im not sure how much longer i can take it.

Except for the abuse which i had not at home but at school from which i still have trauma from.
My parents wont kick me out and will leave some money should they die but i wont know how to live of it other than becoming a drifter, or why even bother if i have nothing to live for.

I suppose i might have some tallents and ambitions, but more or less my depression prevents them from taking off.

Shit sux!

Haha I have some similar feels to you, OP. Okay, so boiling this down a lot, my father is insane, my stepdad is and has always been a spineless wimp who had no influence on how I was raised, nor participated in that process. My mother basically kept from leaving the house until I was 14 because she's a conspiracy theorist convinced the US educational system is and was designed as an automaton-factory and nothing more.
And of course instead of actually homeschooling me properly she just sat on her fat ass, justifying not putting any effort into it by saying to herself "Well, if he doesn't want to learn I shouldn't force him," calling that laziness "unschooling".
Despite being smart and having actually been given pretty good abilities I just stagnated the same as she's allowed herself to until finally I left, tried to get into school, broke down, went into a shitty excuse for a school, educated myself and became slightly less of a social retard.
And for all that she expects gratitude because obviously I am how I am because I wasn't poisoned by the system.

As a result I'm (probably shoddy excuse for) an autodidact with heavily unbalanced knowledge and abilities, and I'm always, always going to regret never really having a normal childhood or opportunity for one, even though comparatively speaking I could be way worse off. I'm pretty much a shutin and almost always have been, simply for lack of anything else to do or anywhere to go or the courage to venture forth out of what I've known.

Can't quite say I was abused though, and once I recognized how fucked I was if I let myself stay on the same path of no effort being exerted I did try to become less of a social retard. But as it is I'm basically just a shutin with a few friends I only know thanks to the internet.

I've been in an online school lately but it's tedious bullshit really. A lot of it I know already and what I don't I'd probably have an easier time learning on my own (or, if only, my parents were actually capable of doing what they should have a long fucking time ago and actually bothered to try and help me learn anything).

Parents don't pressure me about anything but that's almost worse. I shouldn't have to sit on my ass for this long failing basic stuff for lack of effort, I shouldn't have to e shielded from criticism by an aging, obese whore whose brain seems almost totally atrophied.

But at the same time I'm a total fucking NEET and always have been, so the thought of going to college is kind of terrifying.

I feel you… My case is way better but still, if it can help you feeling a bit better… I wouldn't mind.

I used to be that "ideal" guy, tall, muscular, kinda good-looking, smart, ultra versatile, who could learn anything quite easily without putting any effort in it and with a liking to art (music and dance). I was on my way to become an English teacher (1st year of college) when depression stroke.

Now I'm nothing more than a fatass sitting in front of his computer at night because he's afraid of daylight and people. I've dropped out of college for now…

I have lot of free time that I could use in order to learn other languages, earn money or anything that would be productive… But no, I can't even imagine clearly what's gonna happen tomorrow even though each day is the same as the one before… My only hope would be to become a translator since it can be done from home… but I would have to go back to college for 5 years, and it looks nearly impossible. What if I can't go back to school ? What if the time I've spent doing nothing and harming myself (not mutilation) prevent me from having a future ?

I realize that my situation's way better than yours, but well… The higher they are, the harder they fall.

Good luck OP and every single NEET out there… We're gonna win this fight one day.

>>13738
What about distance education? I'm planning on doing that if I can find an apartment and some shitty job some day.

>>13744
I'm actually really considering this, I fuckin need that degree. The apartment + shitty job + distance education sounds almost too perfect
Good luck to you though !

Your all really looking at the negatives of your situation. Be thankful your not a wage slave, homeless or a child prodigy burnt out after finishing a PhD in theoretical physics before 18 and has worked in the food industry for the past 5 years.


You are actually all articulated and display the cognitive facilities and behavior of high IQ. I am sorry the world doesn't cater to your genetic and intellectual predispositions where in a more advanced civilization you should be thriving.


Just so you know great thinkers and inventors have been known for having periods of counterproductive lives of doing nothing, being isolated, eccentric and mentally unwell for decades, Nikola Tesla is a great example.

I feel you, OP.

I'm 25, and to be fair, I'm not really a NEET.

For background: the only thing I do is work once or twice a week for a total of maybe 10 hours average. I've had this same crappy job for six years now. I recently graduated with a BS that's worthless, and can't find work, and now I'm in so much debt I can't even pay my monthly installments for much longer.

The part about developmental milestones really hit me, OP. I feel like a fucking preteen emotionally and developmentally. I don't feel the least bit like an adult, let alone a person in their early teens, much less someone in their fucking mid-twenties. I routinely forget that I'm 25, because it just seems completely unreal and entirely unfair. My parents were overprotective to the point that I was afraid of doing anything without their approval, and I still feel that way today. I wasn't able to really be a teenager in high school, and I was so reclusive during university that I made no friends, even when living on campus. I just locked myself in my dorm room and did what I always did.

I'm trying not to let myself become too distraught, but it's very hard. I've been trying to write and read to distract myself from my frustration, but it requires concentration that I can't easily muster anymore. I also recognize that, if I were working, it'd just be exchanging one set of miseries for another. I feel like my life ended as soon as I was expected to actually support myself (Which would've been twenty-three for me). I'm too old to ever have a normal life, given what little I've experienced.

Everyone told me I'd accomplish so much, and I'm such a fucking loser it makes me want to weep. I know this is mostly a bunch of incoherent ramblings, but thanks to anyone who took the time to bother reading it.

>>13830
24, working full time here, really sheltered. My fuck-ups in life are almost all there is for me to talk about - so I don't. Talk. At all.

I'm trying not to talk about misery, my past mistakes, etc. either. Not even on the internet. I too feel like I was not meant to be normal.

But, you know, we have to accept that and find ways to express ourselves somehow, I think. Through our hobbies, or something. No idea, but that's the approach I'm taking. It's hard for me, because I have to constantly admit out loud how abnormal I am. And how content I am just playing video games and doing nothing.

I record myself playing games and talking over them, hoping one day I'll be able to make friends over things that interest me. It's so hard for me not to judge myself - I mean, doing some kind of let's plays? Really? But that's a start nevertheless. Being my own harshest judge is what prevented me from taking action for a long time.

People told me I am wise beyond my years. I do not believe them. If there is anything to be learned from my life, it's that nothing that others say or do really affects you, and that you are incredibly strong.

They never really meant it literally, about the wisdom, intelligence etc. It was about our hidden potential all along. But to harness it, we have to believe in ourselves - nothing else will suffice.

So, may you believe in yourself.

>>13835
**Sorry, I'm not gonna share my stuff, there's not much available right now, I'm still struggling to overcome the discomfort related to hearing my own voice and figuring out some of the technical details, plus I can barely bring myself to publish my videos, let alone show them to others.

In general, I enjoy intense, fast-paced action games most. I tend to avoid games that are popular right now, and, barring Dark Souls, I haven't played an AAA title in years. I hope to cover some of the least played games, for example Hellsinker (an indie Japanese shoot-'em-up and a cult classic in some circles) deserves a complete, informative playthrough with text commentary and attempts at explaining its esoteric story, but that will take some careful planning on my part. I have ideas for a couple more LPs in store. For now, I just play Counter-Strike 1.6 because it takes no planning and little effort to make, and it still serves as decent practice for me.**

OP here.


>>13732

Shit sux indeed.

It's only my opinion, but I think without major positive life changes –that would involve the full understanding and assistance of family– no real momentum will be generated in the lives of 'severe' NEETs. Behavioral therapies, basic income, a program which would help us to be gently rehabilitated and eased into independent living…none of that shit is free, two out of three don't even exist (see: social program for NEET shut-ins; basic income) and some of us are obviously not capable of getting there without this kind of comprehensive assistance. Sometimes it really feels like being a one legged man in an ass-kicking contest.


>>13737

God, it sounds like your mother is almost identical to my own. Eerily similar.

Sometimes I wonder, if my mother had actually home-schooled me, or generally showed some concern for my future, what would have become of me? I doubt I'd be where I am today…

>until finally I left, tried to get into school, broke down, went into a shitty excuse for a school, educated myself and became slightly less of a social retard.

That's pretty ballsy on your part. I never gathered the courage to do something like that despite how desperate I felt at times. Since entering my twenties I have tried to educate myself in order to become self-employed from home, but with my learning disabilities all the worthwhile options are out of reach. And I refuse to cyber-slave for 10 hours a day doing unskilled 'micro jobs online. I've been there and it's soul crushing.

>But at the same time I'm a total fucking NEET and always have been, so the thought of going to college is kind of terrifying.

I'd be a liar if I said that I'm not somewhat comfortable being NEET. It does seem to be a part of my core, and the prospect of going out into the social world fills me with dread.


>>13738

Thanks for sharing your story and offering words of encouragement. It sounds like you have much potential, and I wish you the best.


>>13762

I do feel fortunate that I'm not homeless, working at McShits for minimum wage, or prostituting myself on the streets of Guadalajara. Maybe I came on too strong in my original post. I didn't mean to make it sound like my life is entirely shit/irredeemable. On the contrary, I value the health, comfort and security that I currently have. I'm merely venting while looking at the bigger picture of my NEETdom, which involves the feeling of my potential being robbed away, wasted youth, missed opportunities, listlessness and desperation, and of impending homelessness/complete uncertainty of the future.


>Just so you know great thinkers and inventors have been known for having periods of counterproductive lives of doing nothing, being isolated, eccentric and mentally unwell for decades, Nikola Tesla is a great example.

Even if I don't possess the rare genius of such luminary figures, that is still somehow reassuring, thanks.


>>13830

>I feel like my life ended as soon as I was expected to actually support myself (Which would've been twenty-three for me). I'm too old to ever have a normal life, given what little I've experienced.

When I was a kid, I somehow convinced myself that adulthood was some mythical condition that I would not have to confront for an indeterminate period of time, yet one that I would naturally acquire when the time did come. What a slap in the face that was.

>>13851
I mean, I'm not sure it was that ballsy. It's just that I grew up fundamentally alone save my brother, and when he finally decided to try and be a functioning human in his mid-twenties and got his GED and his driver's license and his bare subsistence level retail job and began to drink heavily I was suddenly not only alone but faced with a morbidly depressing vision of what my future would be if I allowed it to arrive unimpeded.

So I bitched and moaned and complained about being so alone and miserable and unprepared for a long, long time, and when I finally got into school I lasted two days before refusing to go any longer. Not because I was bullied but because I was bullied or even that ostracized, but because I was made acutely aware that the only thing which I felt I had any value for I didn't even seem to have. I didn't feel smart. I could barely fucking write, because I barely ever had or been taught to. But when I got back crying all she did was assume I'd gotten picked on because I was such a precocious fat-faced nerdy little angel.

So I want her dead. And I've fantasized about killing her for years. But I feel guilty for that because she did think she was doing her best, even if only as a poor excuse for absolute laziness and neglect.

She's probably given me more than a few deepseated emotional issues to be honest.

>>13851
I hope they just accept us like the heroin addicts and build NEET shooting galleries for us. and by that i mean cheap 1 room apartments with 100mbps interbutts, a hot pocket vending machine in the middle of the courtyard or maybe some kind of small cafeteria so we can buy cheap ramen/healthy meals instead of needing to live off of noodles and hot pockets.

>>13732 Here.
>>13762
Thanks for the reminder, but you do relaize that doesnt really cheer people up.

Its a fairly dreadful world we live in where everyone only tries to convince themselfs how supposedly valuable they are.
Today nearly everything is seemlingly built to delude people into their own self importance.

We are neglected people, byproducts of a consumerist culture that has no care for anything.

Its not our fault we didnt adapt, to this society and fail its expectations and dont have anything. After all we were thrown into a careless educational system that expected us to magically just find our own way without attempting to develop us as persons.
Except for people like >>13737, who happened to have lazy parents.
Then again doubt if you had gone to school things would have went differently.
Even if you would have went to school chances are parents either dont give a shit or pressure you too hard in general.

>>13830
>Everyone told me I'd accomplish so much, and I'm such a fucking loser it makes me want to weep. I know this is mostly a bunch of incoherent ramblings, but thanks to anyone who took the time to bother reading it.
>>13833
>People told me I am wise beyond my years. I do not believe them. If there is anything to be learned from my life, it's that nothing that others say or do really affects you, and that you are incredibly strong.
Well maybe people see potential in you.
You should do what you think you are good at and im sure the rest of the way will show itself and dont let yourself be dragged down by your shortcomings.

And i forgot to say i dont just waste my time, i work on mostly videogame projects, they are nice but will give me fairly little gain.
But its always a skill.
I appreciate the time and freedom i have but without anyone to really support me its quite difficult not to secumb to depression and all that jizz.

>all of these self-important nonNEETs hijacking OP's thread

Thanks!

>>13910
This is not wizchan bitch.

>>13873
>Well maybe people see potential in you. You should do what you think you are good at and im sure the rest of the way will show itself and dont let yourself be dragged down by your shortcomings.
Yeah.

>without anyone to really support me its quite difficult not to secumb to depression and all that jizz.
It's really tough to go on all by yourself. Have you tried showing your game projects to people? I figure maybe that's how you could meet others who share your interests, and from there on out hopefully start making friends who would be genuinely interested in your work and ready to lend a helping hand in times of need.

Also, could you tell me a little about what you work on? At one point, I tried making games in Unity for a bit by learning from tutorials - it wasn't hard and C# did not look difficult to learn, since I already had a tiny bit of experience with a couple other languages, but I quickly lost interest because of feeling like I wasn't making progress fast enough. I think I could give it another go. I'm always interested in what game devs, aspiring and accomplished alike, have to say.

>Its a fairly dreadful world we live in where everyone only tries to convince themselfs how supposedly valuable they are.
I dunno if I'm buying this generalization. My social interaction is largely restricted to Ubuu, and people here sure seem to complain about being worthless quite a lot.

>Its not our fault we didnt adapt, to this society and fail its expectations and dont have anything. After all we were thrown into a careless educational system that expected us to magically just find our own way without attempting to develop us as persons.
I kinda viewed schools as Paul Graham described them: prisons for children, made mostly for the adults' convenience, so that they didn't have to leave their kids unattended while doing serious work. Really, if anything, schools are an introduction to working for the rest of one's life 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, as well as obeying orders.

However, I choose to believe it was entirely my fault for failing to adapt. It's painful to own up to my mistakes, but more importantly, this belief places the locus of control in my hands and makes me the sole force responsible for my fate. A psychologist tells me I have either Asperger's or schizotypal PD, yet while it's an explanation for my weirdness and being unable to fit in, it's by no means an excuse to give up and stop trying. It's a challenge, a game to maximize the usefulness of all the amazing abilities your mind has at its disposal while trying to overcome and compensate for the downsides.

What I'm saying is, sometimes, in some cases, it's better to blame yourself out of principle (but not always).

>>13910
I don't get it. You seem prejudiced about people who have a job. What bothers you about us so much? Honest question.

>>13913
>It's really tough to go on all by yourself. Have you tried showing your game projects to people? I figure maybe that's how you could meet others who share your interests, and from there on out hopefully start making friends who would be genuinely interested in your work and ready to lend a helping hand in times of need.
Yeah i partailly showed some stuff to other people, the reaction was mostly meh but was appropriate since its still a load of work to do but its gonna go well.
I showed it some friends and people who work on similar things, they werent too impressed but given the quality and the fact that they are hard to impress its alright.
>Also, could you tell me a little about what you work on? At one point, I tried making games in Unity for a bit by learning from tutorials - it wasn't hard and C# did not look difficult to learn, since I already had a tiny bit of experience with a couple other languages, but I quickly lost interest because of feeling like I wasn't making progress fast enough. I think I could give it another go. I'm always interested in what game devs, aspiring and accomplished alike, have to say.
I work on RTS games on the spring engine, i mostly code in lua graphics are a bit tough for me to make currently but il figure out, it goes pretty well for me all in all.
I can will some nice games with it for certain, but i need more time.
Motivation and momentum are a fairly common problem with games.
Yes game development can be alot more difficult than it looks and there is high deathrate with it.
But if you have a good concept then that goes a long way.
>However, I choose to believe it was entirely my fault for failing to adapt. It's painful to own up to my mistakes, but more importantly, this belief places the locus of control in my hands and makes me the sole force responsible for my fate. A psychologist tells me I have either Asperger's or schizotypal PD, yet while it's an explanation for my weirdness and being unable to fit in, it's by no means an excuse to give up and stop trying. It's a challenge, a game to maximize the usefulness of all the amazing abilities your mind has at its disposal while trying to overcome and compensate for the downsides.
Youre right about that, but on the other hand i think most of us were too young to understand what was going and i doubt that our "teachers" care much about that either so its not right to have expected us to integrate properly out of our own volition and then we label ourselfs as failures even tough we didnt get a proper chance.
Ofcourse in life almost everything goes wrong because people do not understand what is going on and people must suffer the consequences, but as intelligent beings we must question what as and is not the proper consequence and shunning ourselfs in general because we were not properly encouraged to make it in life cannot be blamed on us, in general that is.

My parents decided to homeschool me for the 3rd grade and stuck with it. During the 6th grade they stopped teaching me, but never enrolled me back into public school… so now I've been a hikikomori NEET for 7 years now, almost 8. I used to spend my days playing video games and watching anime when I eventually found it, but I don't enjoy them, or anything anymore really. Even masturbating has become unpleasurable. I've spent the last year staring at the dark walls of my room lit by my computer screen all night. My low as possible self-esteem and motivation makes it impossible to even attempt something productive. I don't think I could become a part of society even if I wanted to after being like this for so long.

Something I've noticed recently is it feels like my body is shutting down from non-use. When I'm staring at the wall I can almost feel my brain shutting down, heart stopping, etc… I don't know if it's mind playing tricks on me or what.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess I just feel like saying something for once since I've become pseudo-mute in my life even online. Not that I have anyone to talk to anyways.

>>13934
Hey. I don't really see anyone I can relate to upbringing-wise at all often and I've been feeling the same way. We should join forces with our uselessness or something.

>>13935
What do you mean?

>>13936
I mean if you want someone to talk to then I'm up for it because I'm also anhedonia-riddled as all fuck and can relate.

>>13937
Oh, I wouldn't mind it but as you can imagine I don't have much to say. The only thing I have to message with is steam though.

>>13938
I usually end up being the one to do most of the talking those times I do talk to someone anyway. What's your ID?

>>13913
The OP asked for the opinions of NEETs. It's only respectful not to post if you're not a NEET.

>>13941
Not OP, but i found the post still insightful and seems OP doesnt mind either.
That said its quite a point in itself you make.

OP here…

Still lurkin' around, doin' that NEET thang.

*Sigh*

I feel awful being a NEET as well, OP. I've also been living as a shut-in on and off since early childhood and you're definitely right about missing developmental milestones. It wasn't until circumstances forced me to (temporarily move away from my parent that I ever did anything on my own. Before then, I had never handled money or talked to strangers or even crossed the street by myself. I still can't do any of these things, or most other tasks most adults are expected to carry out. I can't drive, I can't make phone calls without becoming anxious, I can't talk to strangers, I can't go outside by myself.

I also don't have any natural gifts or talents, and being a NEET for almost a decade hasn't left me with the best education or skillset. All I've done with my life so far is play MMOs, and I'm not even very good at those.

I feel like it's too late for me to improve and that I'm going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life. What little aspiration I have is steadily fading as the truth of my situation sets in. I'm probably going to be alone and dependent on my mother for assistance with everyday life for the rest of my life and there's very little if anything I can do about it. That thought makes me want to die more than anything.

Sometimes, I get these episodes during which I feel like I'm viewing the world from outside, and that reality is just a dream, one which I could potentially wake up from if I tried hard enough. I hope I'm right about this and everything really is a dream. If that's the case, then maybe, if I'm lucky, when I wake up I won't be alone.

>>14496
Same, i want to start looking for a job on the internet, but thats already hard for me, i dont want to know how impossible the rest will be if even get past that stage.

>>14496
That browsing capsule looks really cozy. If the chair could turn into a bed, I'd spend my whole days in there.

Well since everyone else did it, I guess I might as well do some whining somewhere on the internet to feel better, maybe give some insight into other people's predicament.

I'm 29 year old and have accomplished nothing. I had a lot of panic attacks in high school and eventually dropped out the last year because of it. I kept putting off getting my GED until about five years ago because I keep putting off dealing with people, so now I spend most of my time online bouncing back and forth on what it's too late to go back and do.

I did have a lot of emotional abuse as a kid and some physical, with my mother stabbing my dad, my dad fighting with my mom and throwing furniture, etc. So that might be part of the reason why I can't really talk to or relate to most of the people outside of those I really get to know or people online.

Every time I think of studying to go to school or take a course in a community college to get the ball rolling I realize I'm already pretty old and things would just be awkward. Not to mention all the debt which might happen if I have an episode or get really bad depression episodes that cause me to fail and be unable to pay off the loans I can barely get.

I sort of bounce between happy times being a NEET and severe depression and wanting to do something with myself. I'm currently living with my mom and younger sister who also has some NEET-like problems, though is looking for a job which somehow makes me feel worse and more guilty.

It's all pretty fucked up. I can't stick with anything though after reading this thread I am also thinking of long distance education for something.

I'm still a NEET but not a borderline-shutin anymore. When I first lost my job it felt liberating. So much free time, and yet it still didn't feel like I had enough. The days went by fast for the first year or so.
But then my depression got worse, I stopped gaming and reading and talking to pretty much all of my friends. I isolated myself and generally felt like shit when I realized that I had all the time in the world yet failed to fill it with fun things.

Now that I'm doing much better on a mental level I enjoy the NEET life again, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed at my lack of income. It's no fun. Soon I will most likely be joining the land of the working people again, I hope it won't drive me into depression once more.

>>14509
27 years old by the way. Have been a NEET since mid-2011.

>>14499
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nakagin_Capsule_Tower

This is radical. I've seen it around, but didn't know the interior.

>>14496
You sound smart, man. I couldn't express myself as well as you. I'm sure you'll work something out.

OP here…

What's everyone been up to lately?

I Recently made my third or fourth serious attempt at making money online, despite having no real marketable skills to speak of. This time I didn't set my expectations too high, but somehow that didn't lessen the sting.

What have I learned about these bullshit online work platforms such as Amazon Mechanical Turk, Clickworker, UHRS, Appen, etc? Such places are little more than cyber-slave stockades, brimming full with eager, desperate creatures ready and willing to get on all fours and exploit themselves for scraps of gristle and bone. Places where the wretched little serfs with the greatest tolerance for self-abasement and sacrifice of both their time and health will receive the largest offerings of pocket change cast down from the ivory towers of corporate avarice. /incoherent rant

Really though, most of my grievances can be chalked up to my ADD squirrel brain and learning disorders. Still, would not recommend these places unless you have an iron will and a great deal of focus. Or, if you have a particular skill such as writing or experience with audio transcription, then you may see more fruitful results.

It's fucking scary not being able to learn things, even with good instructional materials. A very helpless feeling. Any fellow NEETs out there reading this, if you possess the ability to teach yourself useful skills, –please– value the hell out of that!!!


>>14497
How are you holding up? It goes without saying –I resonate with many of the feelings you've shared here.
>Sometimes, I get these episodes during which I feel like I'm viewing the world from outside, and that reality is just a dream, one which I could potentially wake up from if I tried hard enough.
It almost sounds like you are describing some form of derealization/depersonalization there. I too sometimes experience such feelings and entertain such thoughts, but I have a very skeptical nature and part of my mind relentlessly fights to dispel any fantastic notions or rationalizations I might have. It presses me with the need to act at once, and reminds me of how much time I've wasted, on an almost daily basis. It's an internal conflict for certain.


>>14498
Don't worry about what comes after just yet. Here's my unsolicited advice: Try taking baby-steps, however horribly cliched that sounds. Hopefully you've got some marketable skills that will allow you to free lance. If not, I would suggest trying to learn some if you can. Copy writing, programming, graphics art, blackhat internet marketing (scummy and depressing; wouldn't recommend too much). Try looking up some NEET money making guides and experiment. One thing I would suggest is to focus on just one thing at a time, and don't quit until you're fairly certain it's not going to work out for you. Otherwise you can get caught up in an endless cycle of looking for 'the next big thing' without ever really determining whether something could've worked out for you or not. I speak from experience, and I'm in that cycle at the moment. In any case, good luck.


>>14507
Shit, I sound like a broken record, but I've gotta let you know just how much I resonate with the feelings you've expressed, and I thank all of you anons for sharing a little bit of yourselves here.

>Every time I think of studying to go to school or take a course in a community college to get the ball rolling I realize I'm already pretty old and things would just be awkward.
>I sort of bounce between happy times being a NEET and severe depression and wanting to do something with myself.
It's a terrible cycle to be caught up in, but I don't think it's ever too late to try and break out of it. Though I'm really one to talk, considering how little I've actually tried to step out of my hovel and do something with myself.
>I am also thinking of long distance education for something.
If you have the resources and find something that suits your personality, for the love of forlorn NEETs everywhere, go for it, please.


>>14509
Good luck anon. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnN6T3O7jww


>>14549
Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement, but please don't be fooled…I'm really useless in most ways.

>What have I learned about these bullshit online work platforms
OP again, just wanna clarify that that was a satirical rant written while I was in a bitchy mood. I'd rather not discourage other NEETs from at least trying their hand at such options, but be warned, it's not easy.

>>14563

>How are you holding up?

I've been okay. Just trying to keep going on a day-to-day basis, distracting myself from the fact that I'm alone with video games and music. I still think about all the things discussed in this thread, and I still get the depersonalization episodes, though thankfully it hasn't happened in awhile.

I went to a convention last month. I was hoping to maybe meet some new friends, but nobody talked to me except to ask to take my picture. It just reinforced how I feel about being NEET. My social skills are so poor that I'm not sure if I'm even capable of making friends offline, let alone anything more than friends.

>It's fucking scary not being able to learn things, even with good instructional materials.

I feel exactly the same. I'm so afraid that I'm incapable of learning anything. The thought of it makes me want to die. What's the point in even trying to live if you know you'll never get better at anything? I want to learn about history, and language, and all sorts of other things, but I never seem to be able to actually do anything to pursue those goals. I've also forgotten what little I learned in school, so I'm afraid that I'd have to start all over again. And if I forgot everything once, who's to say it couldn't happen again? What's the point in studying if none of it really sinks in?

Sorry for ranting.

>>14563
>It's fucking scary not being able to learn things, even with good instructional materials. A very helpless feeling. Any fellow NEETs out there reading this, if you possess the ability to teach yourself useful skills, –please– value the hell out of that!!!
I agree. But I should say, that the way this comes about is not the same for everyone, at least not how it's normally imagined to be like.

I could never stick to anything. So I did whatever else for years and eventually got tired of it. The internet doesn't have the same allure. I've consumed enough media to sharpen the definition of myself and what I like to a precise point. I can tell right away what I like and don't like, so there's really not that much else out there for me to consume. Maybe that's closed-minded or a rationalization? Either way, I've come to a point where it seems like the only thing left to do is create. Otherwise, I don't have much to do except maybe listen to music and casually browse a few small boards.

Probably the defining thing that made me start thinking differently is how living this life would look like in 10 years. I don't want to be doing this in 10 years. It makes sense that I'd want something else. So I've sort of been led on to things that break my routine. Like learning something, which I had been unable to do for my entire life up until now.

What also helps is to pinpoint the source of feeling unfulfilled and see how you can amend it. For me, it definitely was the inability to create because I would never have the patience to learn. I feel like I want to put out something. But I don't know what. I've started with a broad area relevant to my childhood interests for now. I do envy people with concrete passions because those are much easier to pursue. The point is that any frustration that comes along on the road to learning something you want to learn is not that bad because you keep those ideals inside of you, and they help you move forward. It's like, constantly imagining the feeling of how it would feel to be proficient at that thing and you really want that so you keep going. Obviously it should be a very pleasant feeling and a desire close to your heart.

Well, I don't know. I haven't really come to that desire yet. I tell myself that even in semi-aimless studying filled with annoyances is than what I've done over the past four years. I have nothing to show for that time except a daily diary detailing my lonesome adventures of walking through the city alone, participating in online drama, and my thoughts on the stuff I played/watched. This might sound very interesting to an outsider but it's different when you're actually experiencing it. I'm not saying I didn't periodically enjoy those years, it's just that I did not fulfill my true desires. I settled for a compromise. I told myself I wouldn't live past 30. Things like that. I don't know what my true desires are. I'll know when I feel good about what I do every day. This will do for now.

P.S. All my problems are instantly solved on psychedelics. I don't have to struggle to do anything. It takes a few weeks to come back to the prison in my mind.

>>14568
>P.S. All my problems are instantly solved on psychedelics. I don't have to struggle to do anything. It takes a few weeks to come back to the prison in my mind.
Yeah, a good trip can really change you though the changes often aren't lasting. Mushrooms have been my number 1 drug that turns me into a mostly 'normal' person again. It's legal here so I take it a few times per month. It evaporated my depression with lasting results, it seems.

I bet u fgts dont even know how to beat a psychic type.

>>14563
>How are you holding up?
Not wanting to start a pity-party but today I learned my dad has lung-cancer, so not too great. It feels unreal. Cancer runs in our family, it unsettles me sometimes. I can easily scare myself into thinking something is wrong with me.

OP here again. I was hesitant to reply here anymore, because it feels like I'm being disgustingly self indulgent and dramatic, which I probably am, but what the hell.

>>14565
Were you cosplaying, or did I misunderstand that part about photos? In any case, I feel you. About 7-8 years back I tried going out, with the social support of a family member, to conventions, concerts and such. I never met anyone (not that I made any attempts to approach people) and felt like an outlier pretty much where ever I went. It left something to be desired. I mean, it was more like I was going through the motions and trying to manufacture an experience for myself.

>>14568
>Probably the defining thing that made me start thinking differently is how living this life would look like in 10 years. I don't want to be doing this in 10 years. It makes sense that I'd want something else. So I've sort of been led on to things that break my routine. Like learning something, which I had been unable to do for my entire life up until now.
Shit, I think about that all the time. In fact, those thoughts are intrusive and persistent. My mind screams at me to get off my ass and start learning something, but I feel helpless, incapable and depressed. My mind seems to have mental blocks on stand-by, ready to throw one in place anytime I work up the nerve to learn something and delay gratification. It's as if some part of me wants to create excuses for everything and see me fail. Reward circuitry is probably all fucked up from 10+ years of excessive internet use.
>The point is that any frustration that comes along on the road to learning something you want to learn is not that bad because you keep those ideals inside of you, and they help you move forward. It's like, constantly imagining the feeling of how it would feel to be proficient at that thing and you really want that so you keep going. Obviously it should be a very pleasant feeling and a desire close to your heart.
I think I understand, and that seems like a pretty keen insight. But I too struggle with finding a passion or desire for something that I'm actually capable of and interested in enough to pursue over a long arc. Perhaps I just need stimulants.
>>14602
Sorry to hear that anon. If you would like, add me on Tox sometime and we can chat. My ID is F6E025F71B69A8796C113EEC7AB122D3C27C203F129334CA6B045461A6A41D20454B8305EC2D. That invitation is extended to everyone on this topic (minus troll). Be warned though, I haven't made any offline friends since I was a small child, I haven't made any online friends in 6+ years and I don't share the company of anyone outside of my household at the moment, so I'm pretty socially retarded.

>>14611
Well good to see youre still there.
>Were you cosplaying, or did I misunderstand that part about photos? In any case, I feel you. About 7-8 years back I tried going out, with the social support of a family member, to conventions, concerts and such. I never met anyone (not that I made any attempts to approach people) and felt like an outlier pretty much where ever I went. It left something to be desired. I mean, it was more like I was going through the motions and trying to manufacture an experience for myself.
Going with parents is probably the problem, i dont think i could with them anywhere without feeling restrained.
>I think I understand, and that seems like a pretty keen insight. But I too struggle with finding a passion or desire for something that I'm actually capable of and interested in enough to pursue over a long arc. Perhaps I just need stimulants.
Dont eat yourself up over it, its tough finding some.

If i can be arsed i might just jump on to the tox bandwagon.

>>14611

>Were you cosplaying, or did I misunderstand that part about photos?

Yes, I was cosplaying. Not a lot of people recognized me, but some did. I was hoping that more people would, so that maybe one would actually start a real conversation, but none of them did. I even walked by someone cosplaying my husbando twice, but he didn't notice me. It felt awful.

>>14611
>But I too struggle with finding a passion or desire for something that I'm actually capable of and interested in enough to pursue over a long arc.
I understand. Though, throwing out the long arc, capability, passion, is there anything you see in the world and feel like you want to be able to do that? Like, imagining that you already have the skills and you could do those things at any time. For instance, a portion of people who grew up playing video games think that it would be cool to make them. Many of them don't because they have too many thoughts about time and effort plaguing them. So they just end up at a job they hate and watch the regret pile up over the years.

Even if you are trembling every day and it feels like a chore most of the time, it's at least working towards *something*. I believe that it is better that waiting around for inspiration. And I am certain that you will even start to enjoy it once you see that you are making progress which is not even that far into the skill acquisition process. If you keep everything you create from the start, you can come back and marvel at how far you've come when you have doubts.

My point is that movement in any direction is better than standing still. You might as well make it a direction that at least somewhat intrigues you. Maybe one day something good will come of it.

"The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is now."

Sometimes I feel like a broken person due to my upbringing. Maybe I will elaborate if someone requests, but probably only if someone cares or I change my mind.

>>14632
Please share, I like reading people's stories.

>>14632
>>14638
I second this

>>14632
Yes, please share.

>>14632
I would like to know what you mean too.

>>14638
>>14640
>>14641
>>14643
Okay, here goes. This is mostly a self-serving crappy story since probably no one cares that much about me anyway, my story will probably be poorly organized and leave out a lot of information, but I will post it. You have been warned that there's no point for you to spend your time reading this.

When I was very young, my mother would frequently latch on to anything she thought I did wrong and made me feel terrible about anything she didn't approve of. This came in the form of multiple visits with therapists, psychiatrists, and the like. I was diagnosed with Asperger's. It was very difficult for me to socialize in school because I felt out of place and had no real desire to connect with my peers. I had lots of trouble developing friendships to the point that I had no friends. I would cry whenever I encountered a topic in school I did not understand. I kept doing this until I dropped out of high school. My mother referred to the times I would cry as "meltdowns". When I cried in class, I felt further isolated from my peers. The fact that I was crying made me want to cry more because I knew I was isolating myself and I would later have to have some sort of painful visit with a therapist. My mother placed me on a lot of medications I did not want to be on. I have not mentioned my father so far because he was largely absent in my life. He was largely absent because he was usually drunk. He would stay in the basement. I spent most of my time playing video games because I didn't want to be around my family. I was so obsessed with video games and escaping from reality that I dropped out of high school because I no longer cared to write my papers. My mother was micromanaging my life and placed me in honors classes somehow, but I'm pretty sure I didn't belong there. I don't necessarily agree with my diagnosis of Asperger's. I feel that if I didn't feel broken from childhood I wouldn't be so strange, maybe. Or maybe not. It is true that many people I have met called me a very straightforward, logical person. My interests revolve around computer programming and mathematics instead of video games more and more, day by day. This is a very poorly organized story. That's okay. I'm okay. I didn't connect well with my mother. Nowadays, I avoid contact with my mother. My mother would often be angry with the way I spent my free time playing video games. My mother was a fairly violent person. I recall being dragged into the basement and having my wrists and ankles duct-taped together at one point. My mother would frequently lock me in my room. She stopped doing it when I broke the doorframe to get out of my room. My sister was very surprised that I was out of my room, I remember. I believe that my sister was a favored individual. My sister was able to hit me and beat me with much less punishment than I was able to hit her. I played video games on the computer in my room. My room didn't lock from the inside, only the outside. Until the door frame broke. Then it didn't lock. After I dropped out of high school, I stayed in my room almost constantly to avoid my mother running away with my computer when I wasn't there. Later on, I hauled a chair upstairs to block the door with it, because it didn't lock, or stay shut by itself, since it was falling apart. My room was a mess. There was a broken desk off to the side for several months. Papers scattered everywhere. I remember being dragged over carpet a bunch and getting friction burns. I remember my mother once broke into my room and started pushing me around. I fought back and she called the police and had me arrested. I had to go to anger management. I did not like the woman at anger management. I told her that children are the most oppressed minority in my country, because they are forced to live in situations that maybe are violently abusive and they don't want to live there and no one believes them. She laughed at me, I remember. Maybe she was a feminist. I have a strong distrust of women, by the way. Sorry if this offends you. I think this is because of women in my life. There was a lot of violence in my home when I was growing up. There is no violence in my life now that I do not live with my mother. My parents taught me very little about self-discipline or living on my own. These were things that I had to figure out largely on my own and they were extremely difficult to figure out. I have been hospitalized in three different mental hospitals. I probably forgot a ton of stuff in this story. Ask me if you have questions, I guess.

Okay, that is the end of the story. I am sorry it is such a mess. I do not really want to organize this story, because it is painful for me to look at. I am not sure whether the previous sentence deserves a comma or not and it is bothering me.

I'm not sure if I am answering this OP right but.

I couldn't take advantage of my situation because for me my NEETdom was because of parental neglect/abuse being picked on by teachers at school (they would mock my work and not give me any help with it) being taking away from school into police protection because of my crazy alcoholic father, at that shelter I met someone (who I for the first time, thought I had a friend) that ended up convincing the police that I did a crime I never committed that could of netted me 5 years in jail. No money for a lawyer and freaking out I attempted suicide and found myself with a doctor that helped me out of the case but had to stay under doctors watch.


When being under the doctors watch I never bothered with school again.


Those doctors later on misdiagnosed me for schizophrenia and put me on a medication and caused me to become heavily sedated and unwilling to do anything. After realizing they fucked up (it took me months of convincing that I wasn't schizophrenic) but by that time I was already too annoyed with them to stay under their practice so I left as I didn't need to stay with them anymore.

Now, I'm at a loss with no supports on getting out of NEEtdom.
Too spiteful from my school experience to go back or even how to if I wanted.
Parents guilt trip me into staying with them because they take advantage of my "free money" for alcohol and other shit.

All the while I still try and stay positive.

>>14645
Fucking take whatever free money you're getting and get an apartment away from your parents. Search for apartments in your area immediately. Most people can't get money like that. Spend it on yourself. If you need help with figuring out how to rent an apartment I will help you.

>>14644
Reading that and looking at my own story >>14645 we got some similarities in are stories and reading that I'm kinda lost on what to say.

>She laughed at me, I remember. Maybe she was a feminist. I have a strong distrust of women, by the way. Sorry if this offends you. I think this is because of women in my life.
I'm the same way, that friend I thought I had was female and the doctors that misdiagnosed me were female.

I guess I'll a simple question, how's your life right now?

>>14646
I have quite a bit saved up already but it's not a lot. As of recently I have been less giving into the guilt tripping from my parents. My grandmother died not too long ago and she left me an inheritance and I'm planning on using it to help me. I haven't got it yet thou.

>>14648
My life's better now. There is no violence in my life, which is a large change from when I lived with my parents. I live alone, but I'm not sure if I live alone *effectively*, because, as I mentioned, I had very little help in living alone. I still feel like a broken person because of my upbringing and I wonder if I can find someone who will accept such a past. I can't help but think about it almost every – or maybe literally every – day.

>>14649
Adding on to this post.

My father decided in the last five years to quit drinking and, according to him, "focus on the things that are important in my life." (However, after my mother divorced him, he found another girlfriend, and I cannot help but think that getting involved with women is a mistake.) My father is mainly where I get the money for community college (I got in with a GED). I am not sure I would have a chance at a career otherwise. I was extremely lucky in this regard.

I can't imagine myself in a successful relationship with a woman because of my intense distrust for women in general. I'm not sure if this is the reason I am gay, the furry porn, something else, or a combination of all of this.

>>14650
Well, that's good. If my own dad payed I'd be amazed, haven't met him. Probably gonna have to work bluecollar to afford it, which is terrifying because I grew up watching all my relatives slave away at that bullshit with no end in sight and to no real end other than to keep on.
Gonna go for a GED myself soon, that'll be interesting.

Personally if it weren't for one or two friends who have vaginas but are actually decent humans I would probably fear women in general, so I can empathize. That's really not something you're gonna be able to let go of without experiencing women not being shitty, but it is something you should consider trying to if you can. They are half of everyone, so life would probably go easier for ya if you did.

Not that I'm a feminist, fuck that shit.

You were probably correct in guessing that children are the most oppressed group. They're the closest thing to slaves you find in a first world country outside the deepweb.

Funnily enough, the ones who usually abuse them the worst and longest are the mothers, I'm fairly certain.

Aaaanyway, the furporn might actually have an influence, though it feels silly to say. It's an incredibly gay fandom and I think there's an element of adaptation to that.

But it's nice to hear you're doing a little better anon.

>>13930
>as intelligent beings we must question what as and is not the proper consequence
The problem I have with this sentiment is that it seems to hint at the possibility of people living in a perfectly controlled world. That the concept of fairness is not merely an ideal but in actuality, a real thing. As though you've framed life such that, fairness is the "true" state of things and it's unfairness and inequality that is the bug in the program. This is why you strike me as deluded by your own idealism. The fact is, no matter how controlled and regulated you try to ensure things are, eventually, something's going to cock-up and somebody has to say grab their nuts and say "Well, fuck it, I better make the best of this situation". This is why I think it's crucial that even if you're a victim of circumstance, that you blame yourself anyway. It's only when you've made that decision to take responsibility, regardless of whether or not it's truly "your" responsibility, that you now have the mental foundation necessary to better your life.

I am going to introduce the idea of "social entropy". That just like how in any system, the entropy and disorder is always increasing–in social systems, the negativity is always increasing. That is, as you get lower and lower into the social ladder, you find that the people there will have the most negative personalities. The social disorder "trickles down" so to speak. What this means is that even though I'm telling you to "just do it bro", regardless of the fact that you're basically being forced to take responsibility for things that really were out of your control, that rather than see the extra weight you're carrying as weight maliciously dropped onto you by your mother or father or whomever it was you feel to be your primary abuser, that you should instead, realise that it is a systemic byproduct. If society is a living thing then realise that the extra weight is a toxin build-up. If society is a furnace, then realise that the extra weight is soot and you just so happened to have been born on the walls of the furnace. Basically, I don't think you was truly abused in the sense that a pure being chose to make you suffer for fun but rather, due to the socioeconomic positions you found yourself in, you were exposed to abnormally high concentrations of the collective disorder of society. The people who abused you were themselves in fucked up situations as were those before them and so forth and so forth so the decision to take responsibility doesn't really mean blaming yourself for how your parents and teachers treated you so much as it means to choose to withstand the chaos of the societal disorder you were and are exposed to in order to create the order that you desire.

All the people who've abused you up until this point, whether they were bipolar, borderline or bullying you to vent their stress, they were all just blindly following the effects of the disorder. We're different though. We can see the strings and can choose to break the cycle and liberate ourselves from this intensity of disorder. Then we can look back on the cesspit we rose out of with a sense of pride that we were able to grit our teeth and keep working under conditions that most couldn't.

OP, are you living by yourself or with your parents? I think part of the reason why I can't exploit the benefits of my situation is the lack of danger. I think if my back was truly against the wall, I could be driven by that fear. It could help in theory.

>>14806
>The problem I have with this sentiment is that it seems to hint at the possibility of people living in a perfectly controlled world. That the concept of fairness is not merely an ideal but in actuality, a real thing. As though you've framed life such that, fairness is the "true" state of things and it's unfairness and inequality that is the bug in the program. This is why you strike me as deluded by your own idealism. The fact is, no matter how controlled and regulated you try to ensure things are, eventually, something's going to cock-up and somebody has to say grab their nuts and say "Well, fuck it, I better make the best of this situation". This is why I think it's crucial that even if you're a victim of circumstance, that you blame yourself anyway. It's only when you've made that decision to take responsibility, regardless of whether or not it's truly "your" responsibility, that you now have the mental foundation necessary to better your life.

Sorry for late post, just keep drifting off.

Thats a fairly good analysis, i can see your point.
While its true the world isnt fair, humans strive to bring it towards perfection further and further, proper critisicm is the key to this.
My main point is that a school, being a manmande institution should ensure a controlled environment, which given the nature of it is very reasonable possibility today, perhaps with some exceptions if we really go this far.
It is true that no system is (or can be) perfect and room for mistakes makes it reasonable to be able to react outside given norms, systems rely on blame being placed where it belongs, in not little significance so it can be improved.
And the people who should be resposible are the ones who caused the situations to arise, not the ones trapped by it
I hope you can agree that people blaming thigs on themself that they did not cause is not going to improve any situation.

I understand your main point is to shift blame towards the individual rather than towards the ones causing it in an effort to stop the cumulation of blame, i hope i got this about right.
Tough from my understanding most mistakes people like us make are not severe ones that should not drive us towards reculsive behaviour, we didnt hurt anyone or stole things.
The way i see it most people dont give a shit about what they are doing as long as they dont experiance the consequences themselfs.

>>14806
The entirety of this post voices what I already believe about society, but could never express. We are not as smart as we think we are. And I'm glad I keep stumbling upon people like you who remind me that, and how others can offer valuable insight you wouldn't have gained otherwise.

>>15042
>While its true the world isnt fair, humans strive to bring it towards perfection further and further, proper critisicm is the key to this.
The implication here is that the powers that be are interested in creating a fair system and would be interested in hearing your criticisms.

>My main point is that a school, being a manmande institution should ensure a controlled environment, which given the nature of it is very reasonable possibility today, perhaps with some exceptions if we really go this far.
Ideally, yes. In actuality though, that's not what's happening at all therefore, in response to the environment, a different course of action must be taken.

>And the people who should be resposible are the ones who caused the situations to arise, not the ones trapped by it
Ideally, yes. In reality though, expecting them to take responsibility when they clearly demonstrate their will to not only perpetuate their actions but to intensify them, placing the responsibility on them only leads to futile anger. Instead, rather than blame yourself holistically for the state of the whole world, my idea is more about looking at what you can do as an individual to alleviate your own suffering as well as those of others. Basically, my idea is to avoid seeing yourself as a pure, utterly helpless victim.

>I hope you can agree that people blaming thigs on themself that they did not cause is not going to improve any situation.
What do you mean by "the situation"? If you want to better your own life, waiting for other people to make life closer to your ideals isn't going to help you at all so you might as well blame yourself for what you can, take responsibility for what you can so you can then do what you can do but if, by the situation, you're actually referring to everyone–that is–a group effort to better society, then that still has to start at the individual level. People still need to look at what they can do to better things.

>Tough from my understanding most mistakes people like us make are not severe ones that should not drive us towards reculsive behaviour, we didnt hurt anyone or stole things.
It's unfair, yeah. That's unfortunate but if we do nothing, our suffering is merely perpetuated. That's the reality of the situation–someone's got to do something, it might as well be you yourself. Perhaps you can encourage others.

>>15083
I quite agree on you with this.

Maybe our prime difirence here being i have a more strict sense of justice and think the people who do things in the system should be held accountable, but ofcrouse as you said this is unrealistic and even if it were possible, it vague terretory even for my standards.

>>15089
I could see your sense of justice, yes. To me, this society is already dead. Living life now is about learning how to make a hazmat suit so you can navigate the environment safely whilst minimising your own intoxication.

>>14563
>Good luck anon
Thanks. Sadly I overestimated my enthusiasm and underestimated my lingering anxiety issues. That, coupled with my dad passing away entirely too quickly has dragged me back into perpetual worry and despair. It's unsettling how quickly one can fall from having a glimmer of hope agaib all the way down to wishing to be dead again.

Eh, why not update this thread? I'm this anon:
>>13737
>>13867


Recently I started studying at the junior college in town for the GED, mostly math stuff since I'm fairly certain I'm fine everywhere else. It honestly isn't so bad. There's such a range of people that you have 16 and 17 year olds as well as a guy with white hair, and someone who knew a convoluted sort of graph better than me to someone who can't solve basic stuff. But instead of having this atmosphere of pressure and insecurity, it's more of almost a camaraderie, a feeling of "well okay we have to get through this shit together so we may as well try and get along." It isn't bad honestly.
Today I was a bit nervous in going since it was only my second day in the class, but it turned out fine.

At the same time, I feel more and more like outside of a few close friendships I've made, hanging around the internet rather than just getting out and trying to make my way through hasn't really helped at all. It's probably a good thing this is coinciding with that.

I'm not quite sure what I want to actually seriously study yet, but I do intend to just take college level classes at the same place when I'm through with the GED stuff. Plan is, since I'm interested in lit and history and psychology but those are go-nowhere degrees, to study that on the side and come up with some hard science that I want to pursue. Or maybe just for for an apprenticeship, idk.

Has anyone else made any progress?

>>15621

Well, I'm this person:
>>14632
>>14644
>>14649
>>14650

Nowadays I take a heavy load of college coursework. I take several computer/math classes and an English class that I hate. Sometimes I wish that my classes didn't take up so much time, but I know in the back of my mind I doubt I would be able to better manage my time myself anyway.

I do "work" as an intern at my school, but you can probably tell from the quotation marks that I really get paid to sit around and do not much of anything. My "supervisor" keeps emailing me telling me how amazing I am even though I'm frequently late and too busy for work sometimes. I don't completely understand this and I guess he just likes me for some reason.

I guess I'm emotionally more stable now, but that's mostly because I don't have much time to think about my emotions - the classes I take, the homework I have, and the "work" I do eat up a lot of hours and I'm not wonderful at time management.

Many of my teachers are pretty incompetent and that pisses me off the most right now. Now that I think about it, I'm glad that's my worst problem; I used to be terrified of the next time my mother would have an emotional temper tantrum or whatever.

I go to some college events fairly regularly. I feel like this has improved my social skills and more importantly understanding of people. I have significantly less animosity toward women because of their involvement in the events/clubs and how they seem to function with others in the group and myself. I definitely have none or almost no sexual feelings for women though.

I want to try to worry less about always being busy. I should relax more. There's someone somewhat older, about 27-29, who sits next to me in class who is obsessed with his grades and telling everyone how much he works on his schoolwork. He never says "I don't know" and appears to think he is too good to take advice from anyone. I don't like that guy.

I'm trying to lose weight right now. I'm not *extremely* fat like some people 300lbs+ are but I want to lose weight. I hope that will help me have a relationship later on. I really really really wish I had a long term relationship with someone. I am lonely.

I want to organize and clean up my apartment, but I've not gotten around to it.

I guess ask if you have questions for some reason.

>>15621
It's only getting worse.

>>15623
Which artist drew this picture?

>>15625
Please learn to reverse search stuff
http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=25323456

>>15626
Sorry.
Does he have a tag on Danbooru?

>>15627
Yes, under the name "mizuga".

>>15633
Why are you helping him?

>>15635
Possibly because he's a useful person.

>>15623
How so? This whole board continuously seems to get worse, it's ridiculous.

>>15622


>I do "work" as an intern at my school, but you can probably tell from the quotation marks that I really get paid to sit around and do not much of anything. My "supervisor" keeps emailing me telling me how amazing I am even though I'm frequently late and too busy for work sometimes. I don't completely understand this and I guess he just likes me for some reason.

Yeah, some combination of liking you and the fact your position isn't that labor-intensive or vital anyway probably. Be glad you to something really cushy to start off on, something easy to milk.

>I guess I'm emotionally more stable now, but that's mostly because I don't have much time to think about my emotions - the classes I take, the homework I have, and the "work" I do eat up a lot of hours and I'm not wonderful at time management.

That's one of the good things about not being a total NEET; free time is great but if you have a tendency to brood or feel directionless and anxious anyway, it'll only fuck with ya that much more.

>I have significantly less animosity toward women because of their involvement in the events/clubs and how they seem to function with others in the group and myself. I definitely have none or almost no sexual feelings for women though.

S'called being gay anon. Keep on that losing weight kick and try to meet a nice boy at some point, though that isn't something I'd stress right now.

>I want to try to worry less about always being busy. I should relax more. There's someone somewhat older, about 27-29, who sits next to me in class who is obsessed with his grades and telling everyone how much he works on his schoolwork. He never says "I don't know" and appears to think he is too good to take advice from anyone. I don't like that guy.

Being busy doesn't exactly equal being a know-it-all, but yeah, it's good to find some kind of balance.

>>15647
>that isn't something I'd stress right now.

what would you stress right now?

>>15654
From the sounds of it, finding the proper balance between school and fucking around so as to keep sane.

Mainly I say it's probably not something to stress that hard right now because it always seems like with that, the harder you try to find someone, the more you focus on it, the less likely you are to actually do so in any kind of real sense.
Focusing on the need you have for another only makes it stronger and makes you that much more desperate tbh, and that's something where your need does not directly equal the likelihood of you actually getting it.

Gotta learn to enjoy living on your own somewhat, basically, and it sounds like in some ways being busy has actually helped with that.

So now I would suggest just finding ways to get a little bit of recreation time out of your schedule, to the point you don't get anxious as all fuck and lose what momentum you've gained, and if you can, just meet people.
Not necessarily to date; just meeting people, not necessarily placing expectations on them makes you way more likely to find one you actually like. But you really have to take that at your own pace.

Was supposed to look ages ago for a job, still havent done squat. :/

Not that there is any haste in a dramatic way, but bah i just cant get it together.

>>15659
You doing okay, anon?

>>16364
Yeah im alright, but i still havent done anything jobwise, not that im gonna be homeless anytime soon.
I can afford to chill for now so its ok and its not like i havent done anything at all.

Not op by the way if anyone thinks that.

>>15622
Hello again. I'm continuing to lose weight. I'm having a scale arrive in the mail, so I don't have to use the one at the college any more. My acne's fading away as I use acne medication consistently. I feel much more confident now.

It's been useful for me to see posts I've made in the past on this board to give me a more concrete understanding of my personal development. (Sometimes, it hurts to look at things I said in the past, but it is still helpful.)

Behold my kindred spirits, do not fret but look for something you enjoy, search your heart.

Moved to >>>/hikki/842.