/n/ - NEET

As you become more a part of society and interact with others, you will slowly lose your individual identity and succumb to groupthink. You need to be choosy with who you interact with.

>>12059
No way… there are still people that are into their otaku-esque hobbies while participating in society, for instance.

When I was a kid, I have this strange feeling that my body isn't my own. Like I'm only looking through it. I've also thought about other people, specifically my brothers, and how I would see what they would see.

Its kinda creepy in a sense. I guess I'm talking about a bit more literally here.

Change is good. Embrace it.
How boring would it be to always like the same things.

Change does not subtract from what you are, it only adds, you will not lose yourself. You will be able to see the world in a different way, but still understand it the way you used to. If you resist change you will only make yourself miserable trying to be something you are not, or in this case something you no longer are.
Do not try to define yourself so rigidly, definitions only create barriers and limitations.

I was something once, and then became something else and rejected the first thing I was and rigidly defined myself until that definition of self broke and now I am more than one thing.

So you're afraid of change, OP? Of the unknown? I assume you are not concerned with your image too much. In which case it's just an instinctual fear that you can ignore.

And what is there worth treasuring or preserving about one's identity, anyway?

>>12061
I these feelings too, I think its called depersonalization or something. I also try to imagine how the world looks and feels to other people. I like to think it helps with my story writing.

>>12064
>rigidly defined myself until that definition of self broke and now I am more than one thing
>I am more than one thing
This. People don't have to be like flat characters in a story, defined by one or two quirks, trademarks, or aspects of their life. In fact, the well-crafted characters have quite a bit more depth to them, defined by multiple, even conflicting qualities and changing throughout the course of the plot - that's who you should strive to be more like.

Participating in society doesn't necessitate that you stop liking things that aren't "normal". You can function in society and remain interested in whatever you want, as well as acquire new qualities and interests. If your interests legitimately change at some point, try to agonize a little less about what caused the change. With that said, if you suspect your interests have changed only in order to impress other people (e.g. not liking anime in order to appear less weird), then you may want to reconsider whether your interests have truly changed, or if you're simply suppressing them.

>>12063
Comfortable, familiar, minimal stress… at the price of occasional boredom and lack of purpose. I like change, though. In this instance, it's a huge leap, bigger than ever before, so, something within is very afraid of that. I can feel it clinging.

>>12064
I won't resist. I feel what you wrote is something I should trust.

>>12068
The feelings derived from the types of things I would enjoy in my old state. Namely, all that would come into my life from developing a victim complex.

One example, I could truly feel sad music with all my being and be immersed in it, because I identified with it so much. I was able to experience very strong emotions that way. The feelings associated with my current state… there is nothing to put my emotion into, that's what it seems like.

I'm hanging on because all the enjoyment I had throughout my life was centered around - poor me, I'm such a loser, let me celebrate that.

I know what I'm doing now will lead me to opportunities beyond this limited world on the internet, in my room, in my head… but it's almost as if, it won't be me experiencing them.

>>12077
That's a good way to look at it. A lot of the inspiration to get into the world was following the resolves of certain characters in certain stories, actually. I loved their approach to life.

When I came out of my room, who I was before only intensified/got worse. The more I go out, the more I want to stay in. I know who I am now more than ever. If you don't like what you're becoming, ditch it. If you do, run with it.

I can empathize with this to an extent. My situation is a bit different, in that a specific life event separate from my work towards reconciling with society is what changed me, but I still empathize with that feeling of being someone else.


>>12079
>I was able to experience very strong emotions that way. The feelings associated with my current state… there is nothing to put my emotion into, that's what it seems like.

>I'm hanging on because all the enjoyment I had throughout my life was centered around - poor me, I'm such a loser, let me celebrate that.

At this point, I've accepted that the person who created those memories is dead now. In the end it's all ego, all we can really do is appreciate the present for what it is and deal with it, because that's really all we have. As much comfort as thoughts of the past and dreams of the future bring us, we are not really experiencing them. We're not getting any younger either. Maybe I'm going off about something unrelated, I don't know. It's all so fucked.

It's hard to be yourself, it's stressful. You'll find yourself creating a mask that you show to other people on the outside. Creating a mask like this is normal.

I think i know how it is.

You should try not to get sucked into deep but not cling on to your past, just try to go with the flow but not be draged too strongly by it.

Anyway good luck, i hope you may learn something new about yourself.

I've forced myself to go to conventions and other local social events, though the interaction I can wring out of others always seems limited. Like there's only the "guiding activity" to frame myself with, no avenue for transposing to other functions.

On Saturday, some middle-aged dude talked at me about his obsession with non-conventional multiplayer chessboards. I don't share the same interest, so what can really be done with an exchange like that? I had to get away, for I could not express my interests: of Colonel Santiago from Alpha Centauri and her wisdom. I need to find… other survivalists.

I need more zombie shirts too; it's like no one in my environment appreciates survival horror. No more being buried by foreign logos, I need to counterattack their perceptions.

>>12095
Weirdly enough I actually like being myself, or at least feel far less shitty and disingenuous that way than I do otherwise. The people I really very baldy need to have a mask to be around tend to be people I don't want to be around.

I saved that .gif, OP. Thanks for posting it.

Regarding the changes you mentioned, that's a direct consequence of interacting with other people. That is, we are not defined merely by our own thoughts and feelings, but further by our connections to others. From a more technical perspective, when you begin opening up to the rest of the world, you're introducing new inputs into the system of your mind. Consequently, the internal state is bound to change in a confusing, unprecedented fashion compared to how it did from the old inputs.

To give a simple example, when you grow close with a friend, you may pick up a saying from them, or a catchphrase, or a habit, or something else similar. Though it feels entirely natural – and, indeed, it is – and though you may not feel any different as a result, you have changed as a result of spending time with this other person. Of course, there's nothing quite as sad as picking up a trait from a close friend, only to lose that friend but retain the trait; or, for a different flavor of sadness, to witness a good friend develop destructive behaviors due to spending time with disreputable people.

As for how I approach this, I don't. Specifically, I don't have any sort of approach or technique to handle this, if for no other reason than the sort of division that exists in my mind. There's the me that interacts with those outside of me, and there's the me that exists within my mind and observes the former. To expound further, the me that interacts with others isn't consistent; it varies depending upon which group of people with whom I'm interfacing, and even with different individual in a given group. The other me doesn't really change, if for no other reason than it doesn't exist except when I'm not being observed by others, as any exterior inputs from others would be routed to the corresponding "outside" personality. There's also the fact that it amounts to little more than a camera and the BIOS of my character; put another way, there's not much there to change.

I suspect that this is some variant of depersonalization, since on occasion I've found that I'm simply watching myself talk and interact, where the "outside" personality is performing the interaction seemingly automatically, without any apparent voluntary intervention. In the end, I suppose that "inside" personality is my perspective, or the source of my thoughts and my awareness, while the "outside" personality are merely extensions of it. To phrase it differently, the observing personality is me (i.e. my consciousness), while the interaction personalities are habits and facets of my behavior that are specific to the presence of certain groups of others. This is consistent with my earlier observations regarding how your behavior changes based upon spending time with those who exist beyond your own mind.

On a somewhat related topic, a single person doesn't always act in the same fashion. Indeed, a person's behavior is inconstant, varying based upon the circumstances surrounding them and their own current internal state. Thus, though an individual may seem to behave in a manner in conflict with their character at times, this is not the case. More exactly, it's impossible for someone to act in conflict with their character, as anything that they do will, by virtue of them doing it, be something that they would have done. That is, an individual ALWAYS acts within their character, as they are incapable of performing an action outside of it. This may seem farfetched at first, but keep in mind that you should consider not only a person's established traits, but also the circumstances in which said person displayed those traits; change the situations, and the traits are bound to change in tandem.

More directly on topic, you shouldn't worry over losing yourself, Anon, for the aspects of you personality that are changing are merely portions of the shell that remain exposed to others. At your core, you will always be you. Of course, that isn't to say that you'll never be able to rid yourself of your shortcomings or failures or what have you; note that those, too, can be changed, remedied, and left behind without any alteration of who you are. These changes you're witnessing, rather than a loss of your central being, are the addition of new "sub-personalities", new collections of habits and default behaviors for use when interacting with these new others. It's your mind automatically adjusting itself to handle dealing with newly arrived others and influences.

>>12061
I have this feeling now. I look down and feel like my lower half isn't mine.

An update,

I purged most of my physical stuff and data over the past few weeks because I truly believed that it would help me move forward from this state. But now, emptiness. It seems that holding onto those things and keeping them in my environment actually made me be interested in those things, not the other way around, which I didn't expect to discover. Is this a cruel joke? If I threw away my computer, would I cease to identify with otaku-type stuff? Would music cease to make me feel emotions?

If a Buddhist monk was to burn their robes, leave their temple, and grow out their hair, what would their life be like? Would they still believe the same things?

This is making me really upset, you know. I feel like I'm fading.

>>12701
Well… I suppose even if getting rid of things causes you to lose interest in them I don't think it would necessarily be true that acquiring things would cause you to gain interest in them, for example if I were to play several hours of some game I really didn't enjoy I might be more tolerant of it by the end but I probably wouldn't really enjoy it. I suppose you just fill your life with things you enjoy… Or maybe that's not what you're getting, I'm not sure.

What is the problem exactly?

>>12702
The problem is, not having an Earthly identity. I feel like I started basing my likes on what I wanted to look like instead of what I actually liked doing a long time ago. In a sense, I taught myself to like things that would lend to upholding that ideal persona. I actually remember quite clearly, the decision to be a "creep", because I thought it was cool and that people might actually appreciate me for being broken. To have that kind of thought, I must have already been a bit messed up to have those kinds of thoughts to begin with, though. Another example is teaching myself to like anime to belong on 4chan. I mean, at one point it became a thing I genuinely felt good around and appreciated more than the site itself. Though when I stopped spending time there or in similar places, so did my viewing sessions.

Anyway, it's all falling away now. Complete disinterest. It's natural to be afraid, right?

>>12705
It's natural. But you shouldn't be afraid.

“A man is born gentle and weak; at his death he is hard and stiff. All things, including the grass and trees, are soft and pliable in life; dry and brittle in death. Stiffness is thus a companion of death; flexibility a companion of life. An army that cannot yield will be defeated. A tree that cannot bend will crack in the wind. The hard and stiff will be broken; the soft and supple will prevail.”

Keep at it, OP.
You'll get there. What you're going through is positive. Being NEET leads to those feelings of isolation, self loathing, maybe even suicidal thoughts. You don't want that, otherwise you wouldn't have taken the steps to try and change.

As for myself, I'm nearly ready to admit to myself I have a real issue, and to take steps to amend it.

Keep at it. I really hope you pull through.

>>12701
>>12058
I hate Rei Ayanami.

>>12762
I hate you