/n/ - NEET

Sounds like your letting everyone else control your happiness, just focus on the things that make you happy and maybe you'll find some people you enjoy being around.

I like you.

>>11378
I only know who I know. I am focusing on doing things I like every day. It's just that, I meet people everywhere but the ones I feel like my soul is close to push me away.

>>11379
Thank you.

There is little you can do about people pushing you away. Hopefully with time that won't always happen.

You should be able to avoid the people you don't like, though? If you can be assertive about that it can make the rest much easier.

>>11383
If I avoid people I don't like,
I'm just as bad as those that pushed me away.

I feel like I should accept everyone. Because I know what rejection can do to another person. It's a heavy burden. I just wish that I could at least also be around those that I truly want to be with.

>>11390
>I'm just as bad as those that pushed me away.
Not really. I don't see it as a crime to distance yourself from people you don't like being around. Maybe the manner in which people distanced themselves from you was rude—perhaps even intentionally scathing—but you don't have to do it that way. There is a polite way to "push people away."

>I feel like I should accept everyone.
It would be nice if this were possible, but accepting the company or affection of every single person that offers it is just unfeasible. It's true—no matter how you approach rejection, someone is bound to feel hurt by it—but that doesn't make you a bad person.

Further, do you think those people would be happy that you associate with them only out of a vague sense of guilt/duty?

Whatever the pain in the short term, its better if you find the least harmful way to withdraw from them so you can both have the time and energy available to make connections that are meaningful.

If you are really struggling to find people you connect with IRL, internet more? There are plenty of posts on this on the board, and while net friends aren't a substitute they do dull the discomfort somewhat.

>>11393
I find that voice chat is able to break off any doubts about someone you met online. I can talk to a person solely in text for years and not feel that much until I hear their voice. It's just that anon boards have warped my idea of people on the internet.

>>11391
>>11393
I am taking your words into my heart. But, tell me, how do I go about actually acting on it? The people who abandoned me cut contact without saying a word and blocked me completely if I tried to send them a message. That's not a good way to do it, I don't want to be, that way.

>>11409
>cut contact without saying a word
I know what that's like. Even a simple "I hate you" would do just fine, but apparently that's too much for people. Always with the vanishing act.

>That's not a good way to do it
I definitely agree, almost anything is better than just disappearing on them. I can't say I have any smooth dialogue suggestions for you, but you really don't need to be smooth. You just need to be sincere. Say something like "I'm sorry, but we just don't get along. I have nothing against you as a person, I just really feel that my life would be easier if we went our separate ways." Or maybe "Look, I don't hate you, but it's becoming very stressful for me to continue corresponding. I need to move on—and if you really care about me, you'll help me do that."

>>11410
Ah, thanks. That helped me go through with something I wanted to do for a while. I really put myself into the shoes of me when I was seemingly thrown away like trash.

I still feel like my actions had a dark side to them. But it's for the best. I feel that I have to surround myself with those those that can make me better, teach me a nicer way to live. It's kind of like, how people get stuck on 4chains, in a single mindset, and everyone is pulling each other back into it. Talking to a single person is different, but it can still have a very similar effect. It's better for us both.

>>11415
>I still feel like my actions had a dark side to them.

Bro, I know how you feel on this. Everybody has some dark side to their actions, but to be aware of this can definitely be a strong point somewhere. If you feel it may benefit yourself and possibly help you in any way, there's no problem with it.

> It's kind of like, how people get stuck on 4chains, in a single mindset, and everyone is pulling each other back into it.
>Talking to a single person is different, but it can still have a very similar effect.

The power of conversation, regardless of if it's text or voice, will always indeed have some sort of impact on almost anyone. Be it with an individual or many people or a theoretical hivemind, and finding people who can help you through or give you advice, well, is always a good thing. Sometimes it may hurt, but sometimes it may also help. Who knows.

It's all a wildcard, but I'm fine with that.

It depends on the person. Often, a polite notice as above is best. If its a very casual thing, just reducing the amount of correspondence over time can also often prevent hurt on either side, as the other party grows less attached naturally. Those are probably the best ways to do it.

I would say, though, that even a sudden cut contact is better than continuing on with resentment. If you continue on forever with resentment, your suffering will be much greater than whatever you will inflict. Further, their attachment will grow, so in the more likely case that you will eventually cut them off in some manner, the pain is all the greater. Struggling on may seem kind in the moment but it solves nothing- it just pushes the problem further away. Its good to be considerate, but you shouldn't try and ignore your own will in doing it- eventually it will all fall apart if you do it that way.

Its a hard skill to learn but managing to deal with people you don't like is really important too. And once you've done it, hopefully you will then be able to use that time and space to relate in a way thats good for both people.

please don't be one of the millions of people who just think it's okay to cut contact and completely block someone without saying a word. just be honest instead of hurting someone for nothing.

i had a friend i really looked up to and they never told me that they wanted space until it was too late and everything was over. and now i'll be alone and scared for the rest of my life.

and from my experience i've never been able to choose my friends. everyone i reach out to never likes me back. this seems to be a problem most of us face.

>>11448
I… I'm that kind of person.
I try my best to be there for the person, but after a few months of talking all day, I crack. I'm also not good with my emotions and saying good-byes. Since I'm too embarrassed to explain how I feel, I just…disappear without a trace.
And thus, that's how I've lost all my friends but 2, that I haven't talked to in a year.

>>11448

I did that to a couple of friends I cared a lot about. I ignored them and after that I disappeared on everybody, even moved away. I was under a lot of stress, and just went all out.
It was a complicated time in my life. My problems didn't even stem from them.
I'm not happy about it, why did I do that? I'm really fucked up, it can't be helped. Sorry for sowing unhappiness for a living.

>>11448
I promise to always be honest. I used to be afraid of my true emotions but now a new day has come. For you, for all of us. Don't lose hope. The darkness that chants 'too late' is weaker than the songs of our hearts.

>>11452
>>11457
You are always forgiven and you aren't bad people. These things are extremely difficult. I know what you are feeling… please don't hold it against yourselves. Just remember that it will change for the better one day.

>>11452
>>11457
Why are there so many of you?

I just don't get it… You only need to say two words: "go away"… and you'd rather hurt someone than speak them? You'd rather spare your own discomfort?

Even a "fuck off" would be better than disappearing. We've all had much worse things said to us. It's like you judge people are too weak to handle being rejected, or too unimportant to deserve any kind of closure. It's an insult.

>>11468
Some people take rejection really badly. I feel like it happens because it hurts too much to tell a person up front that you want to stop the connection. Especially when you know the other person is overly clingy and almost dependent on contact with you.

It hurts either way, going through with it or not.

>>11468

I couldn't say anything. I shrivel up, start shaking and get anxious. It's making me nervous just remembering it. I wanna say hi again but I can't, it makes me sick. I have to take a pill and relax. I can only speak for myself, but I'm sure they didn't care much anyways. The thing is, I don't want you to fuck off either, at the same time I wish we still talked. I can't explain it. You don't understand it and neither do I. I'm insane.

In fact, it's caused me probably even more discomfort than to them. They've moved on but I'm still basically miserable.

Even though your experiences might vary a lot from mine, as I said before, I'm sorry for being like this.

>>11469
>Some people take rejection really badly.
All the more reason to give them the common courtesy of actually being spoken to, no?
>when you know the other person is overly clingy and almost dependent on contact with you
>clingy
>dependent
See? It is kind of like an insult. I'm not clingy. In fact, I'm the one who broke it off (politely) with someone who was treating me like garbage.
>>11470
At least you know it was wrong. A lot of people actually think they're being nice when they just pack up and leave without saying anything.
>In fact, it's caused me probably even more discomfort than to them.
In your case, that's probably true. Don't beat yourself up over it. You can't take back what you did.
>I wanna say hi again but I can't
It's better that you don't. I've had people return after cutting contact, and the unfortunate truth is, after you disappear on someone, it's unlikely things can be patched up. I had one "friend" who came back just to taunt me. Didn't apologize for anything. Just stopped by to tell me he had lots of money and that his life was going well, because he knew mine wasn't.

>>11471

I'll continue to beat myself up over it, that can't be helped. So you can derive some solace from that fact. You sound like you know exactly what to say at all times. For the rest of us that are not as skilled when it comes to discourse, it's harder than you think. Therefore, understand that some of us have a different mindset. With that being said, it's been a few years. If I ever work up the courage to patch things up, or try, I won't say such things.

>>11473
I'll offer a different view - they can.

Every time you log on Steam, you get a voice call. Every time you log on Facebook, you get a message. Every time you're away for more than a few days, you get an email. Now, for a five minutes conversation, sure. You can talk. But everything lasts hours and hours and hours and hours. It's all very stressful. You can't even relax by yourself once in a while. He's always there, waiting for you. So you slowly stop connecting to social medias, you stop connecting to Steam, you stop looking at your emails, because you know he's there, awaiting to start another conversation with you. Sure, once in a while he's not connected, but your other friends are, and they want to talk, but you don't want to talk because it's your only day of silence, away from your insanely clingy friend. Then he starts sending you video mails of him talking to his webcam on how his life's been while you're away, and how he's sad that you're not here, and they all had this 'I'm going to kill myself soon if you don't show up' kind of atmosphere. So you log in after a few days, and it all starts over. Day after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day, after day. Always there. So you stop talking. You stop talking to your other friends. Can't log in, he's there. They all get mad at you. Now every time you try and talk to someone, you get hate messages, AND. THE. CALL. You get anxious. You feel sick. You want to die. You can't do what you want. You can't go where you want. You can't play what you want. You're his little play thing. so you've shut yourself off from the world. You've sold your cellphone, you've deleted your facebook, you've stopped using steam, and now all you have is anonymous image boards and anime. 2 years later, you gain some confidence and log back in, trying to say hello to old friends. He. Calls. You crawl back under your logged off blanket. Slowly deleting every single person from your life. If you're not there for them, what good are you to them ? Why would they want to stay your friend if you're never there ? You've become a ghost. A thing of the past. "That one guy who disappeared". But now you're stuck. You've realized that all your social experience was made with them. You're not comfortable with other people. They were the only ones you had. Talking to others doesn't feel right, so you don't. You don't even join guilds anymore. Sure, you're funny, charming, 'social', but you're just a ghost. A passing image. A vague memory. A smiling mask on a crying face. Again, you're stuck, by yourself.[spoiler]If no one remembers who you are, then have you ever existed?[/spoiler]

Maybe I'm evil, maybe I broke hearts, maybe I've made people question themselves. I don't know. Maybe I deserve to hate myself. Maybe I deserve to wish only to return to how things were. But I'm scared. Scared of their faces, scared of their voices, scared of the places we used to go.
I'm sorry if I don't make sense, I can't explain my emotions very well. It's like static all over my thoughts. I don't even know why I wrote this using 'you'. I don't even know why I wrote this at all. Maybe because I don't want you to feel hatred, even though you have very good reasons to be mad. Maybe I want to justify myself to you, even though you don't know me and I don't know you. Is this what they call selfishness ? Maybe I need some therapy or something.. /blogpost

There are very mean people out there, and I am saddened to see that you've had to deal with that kind of person, the kind that needs to stomp on others faces to boost their ego are the worst. Though, there are some people who do this because they just…can't say anything. Not because they hate you or anything. Maybe they just needed a break from life.

sorry

>>11473
Sure, it's sad, but think about it: as far as they know, you threw them away like trash, without saying a word. The way it seems to them, you didn't even care enough to let them know what happened or why. So what reason would they see to forgive you?

And if the reason you left is because you needed space, then how welcome or wanted do you think they would feel when talking to you if you come back and inform them of that fact? It's like the other anon said:
>do you think those people would be happy that you associate with them only out of a vague sense of guilt/duty?

I'm trying not to speak in absolutes—I'm sure some people would be glad to hear from you again—but when you hurt someone, they're usually not quick to let you back in.

>>11475
I didn't realize you were dealing with that kind of person. I certainly never did anything like that. I was always exacting of myself, extremely careful to give people a wide berth.
>Not because they hate you or anything. Maybe they just needed a break from life.
That's understandable, especially considering what they put you through. The people who don't care for others' need for space are just as much at fault as the people who are fond of vanishing from people's lives. The people who disappeared on me on the other hand, they didn't have to worry about needing space.

And now that they've left, you can be sure there will be nothing from me in their inboxes. Not even a little "Hey, where've you been for the last year and a half?". They left; it's pretty obvious they didn't want me to miss them.

I just want you to know, I really don't hate you—or even the people who have wiped their feet with my trust. I've already learned to accept that friends just aren't my business.

>>11475
pgfffhaahahahahahaha

>>11475
>sorry
This is inexcusable. Try segmenting your message into more paragraphs next time so it doesn't read like a wall of text.

>>11482
Cut him some slack, hes probably confuses and let it all out at once and exhausted himself in the process.
Its not even all that bad, i have seen alot worse spaghetti stories.

>>11474
I second this.

I don't tend to abandon people but if I can't relate to them and don't otherwise have any major reason to like them I don't tend to get too attached. I don't simply abandon people who actually seem nice, but oftentimes I'll go long stretches without talking to certain people simply because I never feel like it or it never really occurs to me, or I assume they wouldn't want to hear from me anyway.

As for people abandoning me, yeah, that's happened a bit. The closest friend I've ever had abandoned me, though she stated her reasons for doing so beforehand and looking back I can understand to some extent; she's a shitty person and the way she cut contact with me is actually a pretty accurate representation of some of her more damning features but I've never really stopped missing her.

The first friend I made IRL and the one whom I've been friends with the longest has been ignoring me for months and is most likely going to continue to do so until one day he tells me to fuck off or simply blocks me on everything. I've not smothered him at all, he just seems to find me insufferable in his own, oversensitive, asocial way, and I suppose I should just accept that.

And as for the people who are still around that I really like, they're not exactly in a position to talk very often. They're either drunks who don't often feel like seeking out interaction or just involved. I can't blame them for that, suppose I just need to meet people I can actually relate to and want to be with around where I live like a normie, so as to not feel lonely a good chunk of the time. Seems damn near impossible though.

I also know how it feels to get pulled close to people who gradually reveal themselves to be human garbage, but I'd rather not comment too much on that right now.

I've gone on too long about myself.
I feel sympathy for those of you who tend to get abandoned a lot without so much as a goodbye or a stated reason, I know for a fact it's an extremely shitty feeling. Sorry.

>without so much as a goodbye or a stated reason, I know for a fact it's an extremely shitty feeling.
Yeah, it's even worse when they promise "I'll never do that to you," and then proceed to do it anyway.

"I promise"… how idiotic. Why the fuck would anyone believe anything that comes after those words? What's a promise to someone who, by breaking it, intends to never see you again?

ITT: Manchildren that need to grow a thicker skin and actually take action instead of having huge persecution complexes

>>11476
My friend disappeared on me as much as I disappeared on her. I was mostly nervous, wondering if she'd want to resume contact.

But it doesn't matter now, the problem has solved itself.

Having friends is overrated. Having enemies sucks too but unless you have to deal with them constantly it's acceptable.

It is best to communicate with others while remaining somewhat distant to them. It solves most problems while still letting you stifle the pointless urges we get to talk to others.

Just thought I'd share this with you guys:

>be stalking Faggot McJerkass's Steam profile
>notice over the course of a few weeks, checking every now and then through the browser, that his friend list frequently fluctuates between 12 and 14 people
>notice there are loads of new names
>check past aliases of people on his list
>only about 8 of them have actually been the same people throughout
>he's actually cycling through new "friends" at the speed of light because he either can't keep them or no one can stand him
>realize this didn't start happening until right when he deleted me from his list

Try as you might… I cannot be replaced!

You'd think after spending 2 years together, and being so close, one wouldn't just block all contact with you and disappear. Even though I treasured him the most and treated him the best, he ignores me of all people, and continues his other shallow relationships. Fuck people, I wish I could just utterly destroy someone, but I would never be able to bring myself to doing it.

Why are we always the ones being toyed with?

>>11735
I'm really sorry. Were they an internet friend?

I find that it's difficult to make strong bonds with someone online unless we use voice chat or webcams. Some people have gotten used to the idea that others on the internet aren't as real as things from their outside lives, making it easier to just disappear forever. People don't do those kinds of things in the real world much unless they outright refuse to stop talking to you forever.

It hurts to be abandoned, but I always feel like it works out for the best, even if it's not apparent from the start. When a person cuts ties with another it's for a reason, an important reason.

>>11736
No, it was a school friend that I saw everyday. We would hang out in our spare time too, sometimes just the two of us, and when we weren't, we were usually skyping and playing vidya together.

My only friend stopped talking to me too. We've been together 10 years. Grew up together, and such.

It hurts like a bitch and I still don't know how to fill that hole in my heart.

The worst part is, she lives close by and I could talk to her if I really wanted to but there is nothing I can say to her.

Sometimes, barriers grow between people and they drift apart so far, that there is no point trying to swim back. You just let go and let the cold flow into you.

>>11737
I'm no stranger to this feel. I had a Mormonbro who I thought was pretty close to me, but 4 years later, I found out really quick how little he actually cared when he went on his mission. He sent letters to quite a few people, but not even one to me. I don't know if he'll even recognize me when he gets home… I've changed a lot.

>>11739
>Sometimes, barriers grow between people and they drift apart so far, that there is no point trying to swim back. You just let go and let the cold flow into you.
I just want to go out of my way to say that's a very pretty metaphor.

>>11739
I can see how much this would hurt if this was your only friend, I've had tons of relationships where I grow to be different than the other person, and so we grow apart and eventually we're not really friends anymore, but the feeling when someone absolutely drops you is just terrible.

>>11741
The worst thing is that you think you're good friends, it seems like you are, and you put in all this effort and have so much fun together, just to have someone spit in your face.

sigh, i feel very similar.
Its because i have serious problems showing my emotions. i am very emotional, i still remember when i was young and mom took me to the psychologist because i was like you know, emotionless and she actually told my mom i am very emotional i just keep everything inside. i was so ashamed, nothing rly changed after all those years. in college days before i dropped due to overwhelming stress i had a contact with some people in my group, but i was always somewhere behind. people were friendly, but with my unstable mood, when i felt sad and depressed and they invited me to eat something outside i refused and rushed straight home. i didnt talked much mostly grim face, they just at some point stopped even asking if i want to go out.
that feel when you want to socialize because you feel kinda lonely but when they discuss where to go take something to eat they just tell you goodbye and go together the other way.. and i was too ashamed to even ask if i can join them or something.
i dont know, without someone who will honestly try to figure me out ill be alone forever, people give up on me fast because im who i am, very private and closed about my feelings, ANY feelings. enjoyment of being together, so they think i do not enjoy their companion, sadness so they dont ask if something is wrong, and if i forgot myself and do some rly sad lost in thoughts face and they ask if something is wrong, ill just say its nothing…. i rly hate it. after i dropped some people still tried to keep contact with me via communicator but in my eyes it was kinda forced, i dont know. they stopped writing to me, i never wrote to them except drunk, pathethic feeling very lonely at new year's eve…. i uninstalled that communicator 6 months later..
0 friends atm, i think about them often, because i know they could've been good friends if not my attitude. i hate myself

>>11758
Holy hell, are you me.

i don't connect well with rl ppl, dismissed the few aquaintances by not having a phone, not giving out email or blocking if i had. always quick to disagree with shit irl ppl say, and with perpetual talking for talking i guess. have few enjoyable, common interests online friends since a while. good feels, all i care for.

only people i can't escape from is parents but that's few hours on 3-4 days yearly, and i made my life choices clear enough to them to not be bothered too much. or the super rare times i stumble on acquaintances, quite easy to be dismissive and expeditive with these.

>tl;dr, op i don't know those feels so much, just good luck !

>>11367
Hey, I love the artist that drew that picture. I like you.

>>12122
who's the artist?

>>12182
Google returns this page on OP's image. Looks like the artist's Tumblr:

http://k-szk.tumblr.com/page/7

>>12198
That's really nice, for whatever reason I really like the way s/he does characters. Thanks.

>>12122
Love you too.

(you may not have even seen it, but I accidentally posted something off topic in this forum thinking it was another forum. :I Sorry about that if you did see. So embarrassing.)