/n/ - NEET

Absent and neglectful parenting combo'd with poverty and introversion, Magnified by depression.

Been shy and introverted since day one. Moving constantly didn't help and soon enough I stopped caring about making friends and keeping in contact with people. Not like I really cared all that much to begin with. Was never particularly good at expressing my emotions in any way either. I needed that since I'm always thinking too much and putting unnecessary pressure on myself which results in me giving up often or not doing certain thing out of fair of failure. Now that I think about it, I haven't really gotten any better. I just smile less. Well, around other people of course.

I never really liked it that much in the first place, and after I failed to kill myself in high school I kind of just gave up.

>>10763
also this.

I may go into more detail later.

Autism. Also what >>10762 said.

A variety of things. It started when my parents divorced and I had to move from a small town to the big city. Adjusting was difficult, the bullying didn't help either. Was put on some sort of anti depressants which eventually started causing hallucinations. Didn't have many friends since I would get back stabbed all the time. Did LSD once in high school. I've basically been an outcast all my life.

So now here I am, in the miltary, unable to trust anybody except my immediate family…

I wish this world would just fall into chaos already, I wanna live like mad max.

>>10762
Awww you poor thing. Want a cookie?

I'm honestly not… but I don't have much to talk about in social situations.

Because there is nothing in society that I want, and society wants nothing from me. I fare well in smaller groups of outcasts, even so I don't have any irl friends, and honestly don't want any.

I was a group leader when I was really small [5-6 years old] but after I started primary school I became more quiet, interested in fantasy books, drawing and space. That was kind of weird to other kids, combo'd with the fact that I was shy and good willed I became the scapegoat and the bullied one and stayed that way through puberty [I was ugly and drawn away from people by their hostility already]. I changed schools when I was 16 but I would just skip class and later couldn't look my teachers or classmates is the eye. I dropped out twice, finished 10 grades through great effort, and just shelled in in my room. I'm comfortable here, and no one can hurt me or annoy me unless I choose to let them do so.

While the shit in school was going on, my father died and my mum became neurotic, sometimes even torturing me by not letting me sleep or hitting me. I ran away from home and spent a summer homeless, later moving back to my apartment after mum left to live with her new boyfriend. I was really poor. There was no way I would find a job either [I tried for about a year.] My relatives started pressuring me and my old friends abandoned me.

Everyone I had close, from relatives, family, friends, classmates, teachers, therapists, everyone I ever got closed to, has started judging and avoiding me or left. So I just eventually gave up. I have a couple people that are with me now and are probably not going to leave, but I didn't actively put in effort to get to them, and I couldn't do things like actively looking for a date either. I would just assume it's superficial and will fail, which it usually does.

I don´t know maybe because all the people I really care about live in other cities. I pretty much only leave the house if I have to buy something…

>>10773
how'd you survive the homeless part?
I thought homeless people were doomed to never get back on their feet again.

Halfway through the third grade, my family moved from Mississippi to South Carolina. Despite my innate introversion, I had a considerable set of friends at my old school; I wasn't so fortunate in the new environment. My elementary school experience was more or less a demonstration on how not to make friends in the most undignified fashion conceivable. Thus, I rapidly found myself not just ignored but outright isolated, to such an extent that I became an outcast. I was bullied on occasion, but the majority of the time others merely treated me as though I did not exist.

That social rejection stuck to me until high school, where I functionally transferred to a new school wherein no one knew me. Thanks to that, I managed to make a good number of friends, but by then I had already been irreparably scarred by the loneliness; there was no hope of me becoming social or extroverted in any meaningful way. Moreover, the cratered-to-unrecognizability battlefields that were my relationships cemented my hesitation to involve myself extensively or intimately with others.

It doesn't trouble me. The previously inescapable gloom of loneliness parted from me not too long ago, and I prefer solitude or the company of one or two close friends over interactions with crowds of people at once. My cravings for a relationship have vanished as well; between my acceptance of solitude and my lack of any substantial sexuality, I'm very nearly content – I'm left wanting simple things like hugs or cuddles, but I understand that I cannot have those without them dragging some sexual element or expectation into the situation, so I've accepted that I must do without them.

I would guess its your typical case of autism.
I was always scared, lonely, confused and depressed.
By the time i managed to figure out the normie world and how youre supposed to act in, it was too late.
I still stand a chance of pulling myself out but its gonna be tough.

>>10777
I met other homeless people who were sympathetic for me and told me where good places to sleep are, as well as my one friend at the time letting me eat lunch at her place. Honestly, I was really lucky and the problem most homeless face is that they are alone and lonely, nowhere to grab to ve pulled up. I got my apartament that was legally half-mine back since mum left too, and you don't usually have apartaments laying around.

Most of the people I met during that time were nice, even the drunks. They just wanted to talk to someone. It's a very lonely life and as you said, a homeless is doomed to saty that way more often than not.

>>10782
be* stay*

>>10763
Wow. My situation is the same, word for word

I think i've had anxiety problems since I was pretty young(I remember freaking out/crying not wanting to go to kindy, so I would sit outside around the corner where noone could see me lol).

Ended up getting acne at like 11. Made everything worse. the whole gay thing didn't help, that kinda isolated me more. Then at around 15 I wondered why I even bother with everything and pretty much gave up. Not all that much has changed since then.

I go through these bursts of wanting to have a friend or two, then I end up stopping cause it's stupid and wouldn't work lol.

When I'm alone I feel less lonely than when I'm with others.
When I'm alone I feel free to be myself rather than be weighed down by the assumptions other people make about me.
When I'm alone I don't feel trapped by the seemingly impenetrable barrier of misunderstanding that exists between me and others.

Why bother?